IS IT RACIST?

Was watching First Pitch on NESN and a commerical for this site "Blackpeoplemeet.com" came up. It says it is only for exciting and successful black people. What if your personality sucks so you're not that exciting like most people who join dating sites, can you still join? But the more important question is if someone came up with a "Whitepeoplemeet.com" only for exciting and successful non-black people, is it racist? Honestly wanna know and remember Relampago Blanco supports all thing black - basketball,chicken, weed - you name it I like it. So no racism here,just wanna know.

RAIDERS PLAY CHESS, WELL EVERYONE ELSE PLAYS CHECKERS.

In one of the least shocking moves ever, the Oakland Raiders drafted Terrelle Pryor in the third round of todays Supplemental Draft. Pryor seems like he handles authority well and Al Davis seems to like it when people don't listen to him, so really no way this isn't a match made in heaven.

But on another note, if you're actually a successful franchise and not the Raiders and have multiple picks in later rounds, why not take a chance on this guy? Worse comes to worse you still have another pick in the round (looking at you Mr. Belichick)



- I'll put this little experiment at about 10% chance of actually working out for Oakland. Pryor needs to be a receiver or tight end to do anything in the NFL.

KEVIN DURANT SIGNS ON TO STAR IN NEW MOVIE, NO POSSIBLE WAY IT ENDS UP SUCKING.

" THE OKLAHOMAN - Kevin Durant is on the verge of agreeing to starring in a major Warner Bros. film. The film will have a basketball subplot and is scheduled to begin shooting in mid-September. Neither Durant nor his representatives could be reached for comment."

This movie is ganna be the tits. WB just locked up someone who has no personality or ever shown the ability to actually act, but I have a good feeling about this. Kevin Durant the basketball player, starring in a movie with a basketball subplot. Ask yourself if you don't see Oscar gold in the future. And When was the last time a movie starring an athlete actually sucked?

- If this isn't Space Jam 2 I'm ganna be so pissed.

DID IT TO YOURSELVES FELLAS

"TEHRAN, Iran -- Two American men arrested more than two years ago while hiking along the Iraq-Iran border have been sentenced to eight years in prison on charges that include espionage, state TV reported Saturday, in an apparent sharp blow to hopes their release was imminent."

Aren't these hikers asking for it at this point. Seriously, what the hell is so enticing about the middle east that these douche bags just have to see. At this point they are pretty much challenging the police. The middle east is the worlds toilet bowl, nothing good can come from taking a trip there. Just don't do it.

HAUNTED HIGH IS GANNA BE THE TITS

"Haunted High is a SyFy original movie directed by Jeffrey Lando. It’s about a private school that’s taken over by a demonic headmaster, who’ll be played by Lost‘s M.C. Gainey. Danny Trejo will be the secretly kick-ass custodian and other roles will be played by Charisma Carpenter and Marc Donato. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film might see a limited theatrical release."
No way I'm missing this one. Syfy is killin it with these Movies. Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octupus, the return of Mega shark in Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, SHARKTOPUS,Frankenfish and the super under rated Blood Monkeys. But Haunted High sounds like their best yet AND it may actually makes the theaters. NO FUCKING WAY I DON'T SEE THIS.

-

- So sharktopus was created when an octopus grabbed a great white? Unreal.

LIES!!!!!!

Trick life just tricked me because that shit is lies. No way you turn water into ice in seconds, you're ganna be staring at a glass of water for hours if you actually try this.

Bill Plaschke Can Fuck Off Anytime Now

Sports Writers these days have just as big an ego or bigger than the athletes they cover. From Dan Shaughnessy and Jay Mariotti saying every one of their home paper teams suck, to J.A. Adande trying to get the fucking Adande Lounge on TV,they all think they have the answers for everything and whatever they say is obviously the right thing. Well Bill Plaschke has just crossed the fucking line. He is a piece of shit, who clearly was never good at sports, covering sports and just throwing his opinion out because he now has the platform to make people listen. Today he said the Little League World Series should be banned from TV because he "doesn't like seeing little kids fail in public". But in reality you know this fucking guy loves it, he probably never made any of the All-Star teams that he tried out for and now is trying to put the popular jocks in the corner. I get some parents are fucking awful but it's a great event and these kids are ganna cry no matter if it's on national tv or in someones backyard, shit happens. Just fuck off Plaschke, I'm sure something else in LA needs covering right now. Give me more Tim Cowlishaw or Jackie Mac, fuck it I'd take Woody Paige over Plaschke.

Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie Aren't Gay

Word broke out of New York this week that some 900 people signed a petition urging the producers of Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie come out of the closet and tie the knot in a gay marriage ceremony in front of their closest friends.
Sesame Street's response: What the Fuck?
Okay, so it wasn't that strongly worded but Sesame Street was forced to point out the obvious that Bert and Ernie are puppets and have no sexual orientation. Hell, they don't even have dicks. The show the went on to point out that the entire point of the ambiguously gay duo was to show kids that two people who are different can be close friends. Gotta hand it to Sesame Street on this one for telling 900 weird fuckers with nothing better to do to go to hell. Well done.

GET ME THIS NOW

This is the first and last time I will want anything hockey related. All I wanna know is who I am ganna dominate in this game?

GET HIS ASS OUTTA HERE

When do you call it quits on a player? I really don't know, my rule of thumb is if they get hurt in three consecutive seasons get his ass out of there. But teams all over are constantly relying on guys who are clearly year after year injury problems. The Indians just got word that Grady Sizemore most likely won't return until September, if he returns at all. He has been out since July 18th and this marks the third straight year that Grady has missed significant time. He hasn't played in 100 games since 2009 and even then it was only 106 games. The A's hung on to Eric Chavez for four years when it was clear he was just too hurt to play. The Yanks signed him this year and what do you know...he got hurt again. He's only played in 27 games. The Rockets with Yao was fucking ridiculous, people 7'6'' tall are meant to be sideshow freaks not NBA centers. And the Trailblazers are doing it with Greg Oden. So the rule of thumb has to be three years and you're out. So if I'm Cleveland I'm looking to get Grady healthy in the off-season show him off in spring training and try to get atleast 60 cents on the dollar for him.

THE NEXT FOOD NETWORK STAR

Not really a lot to say on this except this kid is...awesome. I honestly thought I would hate him but everything he says I always think. Chicken McNuggets, love em. Papa Ginos, the tits. Ellios, love it!! You can always tell when he likes something because he gets that smart ass smirk on his face, which is the same thing that happens to me but I like him. I mean don't get me wrong this kid is absolutely disgusting and the worst part about his videos is you can actually see him aging from a small cute fat kid to a teenage huge fat kid with acne and pizza grease all over him. But all and all his videos are not bad. Check out the Ellios one, shit left him speechless. He also gives a really smart review.

Keep Going Jones

I Like the cut of Your Gib Jones

Apparently this guy's been tearing it up for years but I've just now stumbled upon these. Fucking Genius.

Is this the most embarrassing thing Ever?

Just Fast Forward to 1:11

Hey Theo, Franklin Morales SUCKS

So I'm watching the Sox game just as Franklin Morales walked to the mound and proceeded to give up a long wall ball double to Travis Hafner and followed that stellar effort with a two run bomb to break open what had been a tie game and I've gotta say I've seen enough. I could give a shit what the stats say, the eye test says this guy blows dog dick and the experiment is over. Yeah, you're right Theo who could see that guy with middling talent, barely hacking it in the titanic National League West wouldn't work out in the American League? Get him outta here.

Andy Dick: Sexual Deviant

Word broke out of L.A. last week that unfunny comedian Andy Dick, 45, was ordered to stand trial for alleged sexual assualt this coming January. Turns out that a coked up and shit-faced Dick decided to go FLAMING gay on the locals at a Huntington Beach watering hole in January of 2010, grabbing the crotch of a male bouncer and forcefully kissing a male patron before attempting to molest the group of bouncers and police forced to remove him. Jesus, could you imagine being the poor bastard bouncing that night, making no more than $10 an hour and having that fiend come at your crotch?

     Truth is this guy should have been facing jailtime a long, long time ago, he's not funny he's just irritating. Being aggravating isn't endearing, regardless of your sexuality. People like this asshole highlight a huge problem in American society where talentless hacks like him, Kathy Griffin, Kim Kardashian and the entire gang from Jersey Shore are raking in millions while everyone else is scraping by, struggling to make ends meet. Why is this guy even famous? In fact, the more I write this the more I'm starting to wonder just what the fuck was going on in this country in the early nineties? Could you imagine pitching a movie where your three leads are Pauly Shore, Andy Dick and David Alan Grier? Good night, I reckon you'd get your ass kicked for stuff like that now.

MEET HOLLYWOODS NEWEST PIECE OF SHIT: SUPERMAN - MAN OF STEEL

I'll admit it, I liked 300. It was awesome, Dawn of the Dead was okay, but owls of g'hoole or whatever sucked ass, same with sucker punch. Honestly, what the fuck was with that one Zack? But I feel 100 percent confident saying that Zack is going for the tri-fecta here, his new Superman is ganna be a piece of shit. Before he was hired he was goin on and on about how he didn't know enough about the character to feel comfortable taking it over. But WB flashed those green backs and here he is, also he hired Laurence Fishburn as Perry White so he's off to a good start. But just look at this, not much to say, just pretty sure it's ganna suck.

- Superman isn't cool.

Fuck Tony Larussa, Fuck Him In His Stupid Ass

Relampago Blanco has returned to Durty Watah and he is not happy. I love baseball but in all honestly most of the people involved in it are arrogant cunts, who think they are better than everybody else. Exibit A is St.Louis Cardinals skipper, Tony Larussa. It is no secret that Larussa is a giant cunt and is known to think he is the smartest man around ( he's not). But the reason Relampago is upset is because he just came up with one of the dumbest accusations I have ever heard. The Cardinals Battled the Brewers last night and won 8-7 in 11 innings but Tony has accused the Brew Crew of cheating. He says the only reason Milwaukee has played so well at home is because they do the worst of the worst, they cheat. There is no way the Brewers or any team for that matter could play well without Larussa's involvement, he's the smartest man in the game, how can a team win without him?. He says the LED boards shown brighter when the Brewers came to bat, making it easier to see the ball and darker for the Red Birds.

Now I am not the smartest man in the world and maybe I am wrong about this but wouldn't the LED boards getting bright during a night game make it more difficult to pick up the ball? Having a light in your face doesn't really help the cause. I'll just go ask Tony to explain, the man is a genius after all.

Bill Belichick, Proving Once Again that we can all Kiss his Ass

Since 2008, the popular refrain/lament throughout New England has been that the Patriots have lacked the ability to rush the passer. The panic level around these parts was increased last season as the Pats, despite posting a 14-2 regular season, allowed opponents to convert on third down a whopping 47% of the time, nearly two percentage points worse than the 2008 Detroit Lions who, you know, only went 0-16. It was becoming increasingly clear that Belichick lacked the players to execute his once vaunted 'read and react' version of the 3-4 made popular by the likes of Lawrence Taylor, Harry Carson, Willie McGinest and Tedy Bruschi. The defensive line was a shell of itself after Richard Seymour was jettisoned and Ty Warren left to have pre-emptive season ending surgery in training camp. The outside linebacker position once manned by the likes of McGinest and Mike Vrabel was now occupied by a rookie second round draft pick in Jermaine Cunningham and journeyman like Rob Ninkovich and Tully Banta-Cain. Only lineman Vince Wilfork and Inside Linebacker Jerrod Mayo proved to be reliable members of the front seven. It was a testament to Tom Brady's awesomeness that this team managed to win at all.
      Things looked worse as the draft went by. Belichick ignored the glaring weakness of his team by choosing to shore up his suspect offensive line and bolster his running game. New England went nuts as the Man in the Gray Hood seemed to be embracing his anemic passrush and was seen to be consigning his front seven to another ass-raping in the playoffs.
      Nearly seven days into training camp however and Belichick has told all of us in New England to STFU as he has clearly demonstrated that he knows what he's doing and once again is the smartest man in the room. After getting cut this past Friday, Ty Warren hinted that the Pats had chosen to go in a different direction defensively and the first few days of training camp have hinted that that is indeed the case. With the trade for oft troubled Albert Haynesworth, Belichick has demonstrated a willingness to abandon what was increasingly becoming an antiquated version of the 3-4 for a more aggressive 4-3 base. In camp the base defense seems to be a front four of Jermaine Cunningham and Eric Moore on the ends with Haynesworth and Wilfork in the middle. This leaves the former inside linebacking core as the new core of backers with Mayo and Guyton on the outside with second year player and pornstar Brandon Spikes manning the middle. There's no telling if this will solve the problem of the Pats inability to stuff the run, they ceded an average of 4.2 yards per rush last season, but at the very least they should be far more aggressive in the passing game and wreak havoc in opposing backfields with this new alignment. Haynesworth and Wilfork will occupy the majority of blockers allowing the backers and ends to roam free as mismatches will abound around the football field. They'll be bolstered by what is shaping up to be a fearsome secondary behind them. So look at that, I guess Bill didn't lose his fastball and knew what the fuck he was doing all along. I guess we can all just go fuck ourselves now and kiss the rings.

Funniest Thing Evah about Rapelisberger

We here at DurtyWathah are no fan of Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger of course, they guy after all lucked in to at least one of those Lombardi trophies by having a capable defense and Mike Holmgren to bail him out and he's most likely a sex offender, and so it is with great pride that this little nugget was uncovered in the Deadspin archives. I have no idea how this didn't get more play, but it can be read here.

SIGN HIM

As Jonathon Papelbon nears free agency the multitudes of miserable human beings who call into sports radio across New England have been all to eager to show the outspoken and dimwitted closer the door. Good riddance they have said collectively and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. The vitriol expressed by these embittered remnants of the "fellowship of the miserable" is confusing because first Papelbon, aside from a few comments here and there, hasn't really done anything egregiously wrong and second, he's pretty damn good. Most of those seeking Papelbon's departure cite the fact that Daniel Bard resides in the bullpen and they believe he can easily step in and fill Papelbon's 9th inning time slot. The reality however is, while Bard has has put together two nice little seasons, he's also thrown up a multitude of red flags that he's just not ready for the job and possibly may never be. A little aside when perusing Bard's statistics reveals that he has allowed leadoff hitters to hit .300 against him this year, though admittedly he has held the following batters to a .133 average against. Even worse, Bard's ERA is nearly three runs higher in games not played in the friendly confines of Fenway. Papelbon meanwhile, after what can only be described as a down year, has rebounded nicely and has put together another sterling campaign, compiling 20 saves by the all star break. Papelbon is on an historic pace career wise and while he'll easily demand a multi-year contract that will command somewhere north of $12 million a year he's more than worth it as he's a sure thing entering his prime. The man's been a solid, well above average closer for over six seasons winning one world series and, aside from a shoulder injury at the end of the '06 season, has proven to be extremely durable and reliable. The man may not be a mensa candidate and may be guilty of putting his foot in his mouth but he's proven he can get the job done whereas Bard will be nothing but a question mark entering the 2012 season. This is Brady versus Cassel redux, stick with the one you know.

TEAM USA IS PEARL HARBORED

Team USA lost today in the final of the woman's world cup to Japan despite never having trailed to the Japanese through 120 minutes of gametime. In the end it was a series of penalty kicks that sank the womens team chances at a world championship. According to ESPN this is a huge American tragedy, its 9/11 times 1,000,  Hurricane Katrina or seeing Kathy Bates naked in About Schmidt all rolled into one. In reality though nobody really gives a shit because this sport is ridiculously uninteresting and will never catch on here. Thank God its over.

NBA IS FINE

Looks the NBA is doing just fine during the lockout. Only had to layoff 114 employees in two days, no big deal. Shit happens all the time. Just a real thriving league, only losing about $300 million a season. No worries though Deron Williams is ganna go play in Turkey, if he can ONLY make $11 million a season then it's not worth playing here. Them's is salve wages. Good call deron.

SETH MEYERS IS NOT GOOD AT BEING FUNNY

Got through about 30 seconds.

I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here people go again calling Serena good looking. Are you fucking kidding me, barstool just had this video up and I think they actually liked it. Dude she looks like Terry Crews. She's fucking hideous, cut the shit already