HUMAN CENTIPEDE, MORE LIKE HUMAN SUCK...IPEDE

If you saw Human Centipede you know that that shit was no where near as awful as this fucking hack Tom Six said it was going to be. In fact it was pretty fucking tame, everyone has bandages everywhere. Basically it was three people crawling around. Well now here's the trailer for the sequel and this shit sounds way worse. In this one we got a guy who falls in love with a fucking copy of the first movie, re-read that, and wants to do the experiment himself but with 12 people. Either way trailer is fake with shitty actors to make it look sick. Not going to be and its going to suck real bad. Still ganna see it though

- Here's the US teaser. Looks pretty shitty.

NBA MEN'S PICKUP LEAGUE SET FOR LAS VEGAS, NEW YORK PROBABLY STILL THINKS IT'S AWESOME

Everyone calls New York the Mecca of basketball even though outside of pick up basketball they haven't been relevant or won anything since the 80's. Everyone else has picked up on this and now there is going to be some shitty men's pick up league where only NBA players will be allowed to particpate ...

"Starting Monday, dozens of pro players are expected to compete in an NBA-only league in Las Vegas, according to longtime trainer Joe Abunassar, a driving force behind the league. Among the 40 or so players currently committed to playing are Knicks guard Chauncey Billups, Knicks forward Shawnie Williams and New York rookie guard Iman Shumpert. Others include Wizards guard John Wall, Memphis forward Zach Randolph, Bucks guard Stephen jackson and Nuggets forward Al Harrington."

I mean they could be doing this in an actual league where they get paid and people actually wanna show up. But whatever I guess this is better. Euro League basketball is ganna be so sick this year.

Tiki Barber is "Flabbergasted" that No one wants His Ass

The immortal Tiki Barber, who totally does not hold a high opinion of himself and definitely doesn't love him some him, is shocked, SHOCKED that not one team has bothered to acquire his services after he unretired this past off-season. This guy may be one of the greatest douchebags of all time. Mind you, this man retired FIVE years ago, walking away from the game when it was clear he could still play, albeit in a reduced role for the G-Men as Brandon Jacobs was clearly the new starter. Mind you, he did so only after acquiring a job from NBC which he believed would propel him to stardom as he sought to branch out from football and pontificate on any subject of the day because he truly believed that anyone outside of the tri-state area or not named Ronde actually gave a fuck what he had to say. Mind you, he also made a point in his new position to rip the Giants coaching staff, who had arguably saved his career by eliminating his issues with fumbling the ball, and QB Eli Manning who he insinuated would never be able to lead his team to the promise land, you know one season before that QB (sadly for we here in New England) went and did just that against what would have been arguably the greatest team of all time. Barber then thought he was so awesome, even after being removed from the NBC broadcast for general douchebaggery along with Keith Olbermann, that he dumped his pregnant wife for a 19 year old co-ed who he reportedly had been spending nights in a dormromm with. The fact that no one even showed the slightest interest in this piece of shit is proof to me that there is God. Fail Tiki Fail and I can't wait till that dickhead LaDainian suffers a similar fate.

TIKI BARBER STILL SUCKS, HAS A MORON FOR AN AGENT

"We are flabbergasted that Tiki has not had an opportunity with any team, especially when rosters were at 90 players this year," agent Mark Lepselter told SI.com. "I certainly thought some team would be intrigued to see what he had left in the tank.''

Yo Tiki's agent, wanna know why nobody pick this bum up yet. It probably has something to do with the fact that he's 36 and hasn't played in five years. Why the fuck would anybody pick this guy up? Plus he's a giant asshole who will throw his teammates under the bus to get into US weekly or whatever. So fuck this guy, fuck him in his stupid ass. Hope that 19 year old intern is ganna be making some dough in a little bit cuz you sir are shit out of luck.

SHERMAN KLUMP IS PROBABLY GANNA HOST THE OSCARS

UPDATE - LOOKING LIKE MURPHY IS IN.

Brett Ratner sucks at directing movies but he's got a new job producing the Oscars this year. He may also be on the verge of making one of the all time greatest decision in Hollywood history...big man is looking at EDDIE MURPHY to host.

I need a party all the time musical number, need some scenes from Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, and Shrek played out on stage. And if he doesn't host this shit in a fat suit I'm ganna be so pissed. Play on playa.

NO WAY THIS KID DIDN'T BANG THE NURSES

Looks like we got a second Frank Abaganle Jr. on our hands. Matthew Scheidt, a 17 year old from Florida, duped the shit out of a hospital with fake creds and a hell of an acting job by becoming a physicians assistant without any actual training.

"A Florida teenager faces felony charges for allegedly masquerading as a physician assistant at a local hospital. Police say Matthew Scheidt, 17, duped officials at the Osceola Regional Medical Center, where he performed CPR on a cardiac patient, removed an IV, accessed private charts and examined disrobed male patients, and according to ABC News. The alleged impersonator raised flags when he began seeking more access at the hospital."

This whole thing goes to show you what a fucking scam college is. The kid was kickin ass and takin names as a PA and he didn't even have to shell out a dime for "classes" or "knowledge". Kid just gets it Good Will Hunting style, being thrown into the fire is the best way to go. No doubt the head surgeon was getting jealous of all the attention he was getting from the slutty nurses and had to take him down. Also this kid pretended to be a deputy for a while. He keeps this up he's got upper management written all over him.

I WOULD DO TONS OF SEX TO STEPHANIA BELL

Stephania Bell. MMMMM. Positives - She's a physical therapist, works for ESPN and talks out of the side of her mouth like a sexy stroke victim. Plus she already has had an a affair, so she would do bad things. Negative - it was with Erik Kusileas, guy just sucks. But I Would still totally do her.

HEY EVERYONE, I GUESS APOLLO 18 ISN'T ACTUALLY REAL.

America isn't filled with the smartest people around, I assume that would be China or any other Asian country. But for some reason every time we get one of these Paranormal Activity knockoff's we have to explain to some people that is isn't real. And today NASA has issued a press release letting everyone know, hey fella's APOLLO 18 isn't an actual documentary,"Apollo 18 is not a documentary. The film is a work of fiction, and we always knew that. We were minimally involved with this picture. We never even saw a rough cut. The idea of portraying the Apollo 18 mission as authentic is simply a marketing ploy. Perhaps a bit of a ‘Blair Witch Project’ strategy to generate hype.".

I assume this was pointed directly towards southerner's because they're a special type of dumb. But then again this could be another way for them to throw us off their scent like they did with the moon landing hoax. Oh yeah, we didn't land on the moon, also 9/11 was an inside job. NASA had nothing to do with 9/11 you say? That's what they want you to think. They are sketchy as shit.

NESN, ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKIN GAUGE

Sabermetrics are here to stay in baseball and with the release of the certain to be shitty movie Moneyball, the topic is going to brought up a lot. For the most part they are a huge help, for example WARP or Fielding independent Pitching. This stuff is the tits, really gets to the bottom of who is tops in the bigs. But NESN, can we please stop with the fucking Bill James Temperature Gauge. Some of these friggen Saber stats are some of the most useless things I have ever seen. Isolated power? Don’t need it, got slugging percentage, OPS, and we can check a guy’s homers and doubles. And the fuckin gauge? No one needs to know that Andrew Jones is at 82 degrees because he got two doubles in his six at bats all season and we can just check the box score to see if he went 0-3 with 2 K’s or 1-3 with a homer. This shit’s worthless Bill, you’re getting old. Plus the thing looks fuckin ridiculous on my television screen. Enough already, we get it you’re smarter than us.

- Couldn't find a picture of it, darsh. So instead here's Heidi in a bikini. But if you've been watching the Sox V. Yanks this week you know what I'm talking about.

PARTY'S OVER FELLA'S

(TONE)





Beruit is a tremendous game. Oh by the way it’s Beruit not Beer Pong, no one calls it that. But anyway the game is fun as fuck. You put out a table, throw on some cups, and grab some balls, and I’m down whenever, wherever. But last night I was sitting on my ass watching the 2008 World Series of Beruit documentary, “The Last Cup” on Spike TV and I have to say these guys really make me wish the game was never invented. Look, you can be cocky as shit during that nights festivities because you ran the table and got awesome. But if you walk around thinking you’re the man or thinking everyone else thinks you’re the man because you wanna be known as the beer pong guy in your everyday life then you can’t be anything else but the absolute worst person around. Like a legendary douchebag, especially if you think you’re a professional athlete. Indeed some of these cocks put themselves on that level. Others don’t even try to get jobs, just go tourney to tourney winning like $500 bucks. I mean not a bad living if you don’t mind making like $9,000 a year and completely ruining your life by the time you’re 27. Naturally the biggest pricks are from Jersey because it’s a Jersey thing. One of these fuckin guys works out for pong, even though…it actually does nothing for you. Shit is like bowling. He went 13-0 in 2007 and when the crowd turned on him, he lost two in a row and was eliminated. Then big man promptly challenged everyone in the room $1000 bucks each that he would beat them one on one. Sadly no one took him up on this challenge. According to Tone, that’s his name, it was his greatest failure to date. Tri-state area showing they aren’t head strong once again.

Also while watching these guys I have come to the conclusion that everyone else in America cheats. Motherfuckers are leaning like assholes every time they shoot, elbows basically half way across the table. That’s not skill, that’s just bein a cunt. Nobody calls it either; I don’t want to live in a world where leaning is allowed. Bottom line, if you bounce, lean, or distract and you’re a dude, you suck. This is supposed to be a gentlemen’s game after all. Sluts can distract all they want, it doesn’t do anything but it’s just an awesome way to see their titties and stuff.

This blog doesn’t even do these bro’s justice. I’m pretty disappointed about that but there is no real way to describe just how much these people suck. But I was impressed by the guy who used beruit sabermetrics to kick ass. Also I guess the grand prize is $50,000 now. For that type of money I'm bouncing, leaning,diving, whatever I gotta to do to get inside my opponents head.

HERE'S SOMETHING NO ONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR

It's a shock they were able to ring in such mega stars as Chris Kline, the guy from rookie of the year, tara reid, probably the shermanator, and the guy who plays Jim (honestly can't remember his name right now, not ganna look it up). Look, the first American Pie was awesome, a classic if you will, makes me miss high school when I watch it. The second and third ones were complete dog shit but somehow there are people out there who liked them better. And because of them we got such classics as American Pie: Band Camp, American Pie: The Naked Run, American Pie: Eugene Levy. The last one was made up but honestly we don't need anymore. The only person who has gone on to do anything is Sean William Scott because Stifler is awesome and he is actually funny. Jim sucked (It's Jason Biggs, that's his name), Oz was lame as fuck waiting for his stuck up bitch girlfriend to come back from abroad and give him a handy when he could have been going nuts on the shore, and finch is the kid who you stop hanging out with after high school because you finally realized he's weird as shit. I pray this is the last one but it's not ganna be. It's probably ganna start a whole new trilogy or start a new string of direct to DVD movies.

- I honestly think Eugene Levy is ganna knock this out of the park though.

SHE'S OKAY, IF YOU LIKE THIS SORT OF THING.

I would 1000% kill to do sex to Amy Childs. Just saw her over on Barstool and like a week ago I said Elaine Arden was the hottest chick on the planet. DEAD WRONG. Amy Childs gets that crown. She would be a smoker even if she was blonde,brunette,or black but good looking red heads are like mystical creatures. Can't find em. But red heads that look like Amy Childs would make bros go on murder sprees to get in the sheets. Judge for yourself. Also if you don't think shes good looking you're gay, no way around it.

EAT SHIT FANS

Can't wait to hear the out cry from this shit. Titans running back Chris Johnson is in the middle of a holdout and today he took to twitter to let the fans know he appreciates their support.. "I don't have a regular job so don't compare me to you and I can care less if uthink I'm greedy." Around the horn and PTI are ganna have a field day with this but CJ is right. He doesn't have a real job and I hope this shows all the fuckin ridiculous fans out there that these guys actually don't give a shit about you. Non of them have, non of them ever will. Just watch the fuckin game and shut your fuckin mouth. I got no problem with an athlete saying some truth. Get yours Chris Johnson.

- Now that's the face of someone who cares. Doubt he ends up having a real life " Big Fan" situation.

AND HERE'S TWO OF THE WORST IDEAS YOU'LL EVER HERE

Romancing the stone was an okay, if unforgettable movie but now since Hollywood has no new ideas they have chosen to remake the movie. But instead of remaking it into maybe something enjoyable, they are ganna turn the remake into a shitty TV show that is surely to be canceled after one season or less. Most likely less. Deadline reports "this version will follow a successful but unfulfilled woman who teams with a risk-taking adventurer to take on weekly missions while on a larger quest to find her missing brother. There’s no casting at this point, and this could die off just as easily as it could take off. But still, for some reason I expect this one to go farther than the film remake. Both are equally silly, but I can see NBC thinking it might be a good idea to milk a couple seasons out of this idea"

Now idea number 2 is long as fuck. It's George Lucas showing off what a dumbass he is. Earlier this week he caused a massive controversy but changing up one of the more historic scenes in his shitty Star Wars films. Yeah, I said it, Stars Wars fuckin sucked but still his change also fuckin sucked. But here is him ranting about how people who alter "art" aka shitty movies should be assumed. Remember it's long as fuck and not interesting...
"My name is George Lucas. I am a writer, director, and producer of motion pictures and Chairman of the Board of Lucasfilm Ltd., a multi-faceted entertainment corporation.

I am not here today as a writer-director, or as a producer, or as the chairman of a corporation. I’ve come as a citizen of what I believe to be a great society that is in need of a moral anchor to help define and protect its intellectual and cultural heritage. It is not being protected.

The destruction of our film heritage, which is the focus of concern today, is only the tip of the iceberg. American law does not protect our painters, sculptors, recording artists, authors, or filmmakers from having their lifework distorted, and their reputation ruined. If something is not done now to clearly state the moral rights of artists, current and future technologies will alter, mutilate, and destroy for future generations the subtle human truths and highest human feeling that talented individuals within our society have created.

A copyright is held in trust by its owner until it ultimately reverts to public domain. American works of art belong to the American public; they are part of our cultural history.

People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians, and if the laws of the United States continue to condone this behavior, history will surely classify us as a barbaric society. The preservation of our cultural heritage may not seem to be as politically sensitive an issue as “when life begins” or “when it should be appropriately terminated,” but it is important because it goes to the heart of what sets mankind apart. Creative expression is at the core of our humanness. Art is a distinctly human endeavor. We must have respect for it if we are to have any respect for the human race.
These current defacements are just the beginning. Today, engineers with their computers can add color to black-and-white movies, change the soundtrack, speed up the pace, and add or subtract material to the philosophical tastes of the copyright holder. Tomorrow, more advanced technology will be able to replace actors with “fresher faces,” or alter dialogue and change the movement of the actor’s lips to match. It will soon be possible to create a new “original” negative with whatever changes or alterations the copyright holder of the moment desires. The copyright holders, so far, have not been completely diligent in preserving the original negatives of films they control. In order to reconstruct old negatives, many archivists have had to go to Eastern bloc countries where American films have been better preserved.

In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be “replaced” by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten.

There is nothing to stop American films, records, books, and paintings from being sold to a foreign entity or egotistical gangsters and having them change our cultural heritage to suit their personal taste.

I accuse the companies and groups, who say that American law is sufficient, of misleading the Congress and the People for their own economic self-interest.

I accuse the corporations, who oppose the moral rights of the artist, of being dishonest and insensitive to American cultural heritage and of being interested only in their quarterly bottom line, and not in the long-term interest of the Nation.

The public’s interest is ultimately dominant over all other interests. And the proof of that is that even a copyright law only permits the creators and their estate a limited amount of time to enjoy the economic fruits of that work.

There are those who say American law is sufficient. That’s an outrage! It’s not sufficient! If it were sufficient, why would I be here? Why would John Houston have been so studiously ignored when he protested the colorization of “The Maltese Falcon?” Why are films cut up and butchered?

Attention should be paid to this question of our soul, and not simply to accounting procedures. Attention should be paid to the interest of those who are yet unborn, who should be able to see this generation as it saw itself, and the past generation as it saw itself.

I hope you have the courage to lead America in acknowledging the importance of American art to the human race, and accord the proper protection for the creators of that art–as it is accorded them in much of the rest of the world communities."

JESUS CHRISTO!!!!!!

Oh snap, Jesus Montero is ganna be called up when rosters expand Septemeber 1st. All we have heard is how this kid is the second coming of Manny Ramirez, although he has been pretty human in the minors up until recently this year. They also have another catching prospect who may have passed Montero behind the plate in Gary Sanchez. Time will tell but I think this kid is ganna be lame.

- I'm actually talkin out of my ass. I'm pumped as hell to see this guy play finally.

PLANETEERS ASSEMBLE!

There was talks of making a Captain Planet live action movie a few weeks back. How you can turn a propaganda film into a movie is beyond me but I think we just got a look at how this shit might turn out. I'm totally in.

JUST FOUND THE PATRIOTS NEXT COACH

Throughout my time playing or watching sports I have heard one truly great speech. I'm talking get you so pumped out to get out there and kick some ass, run through a brick wall type of speech. Well today Coach Tony D'Amato and his inches by inches speech can take a hike, I have found the second coming of Bill Belichick. His name is divalover159 or atleast that's his youtube account. Honestly the most pumped I have ever gotten listening to someone speak. The Knox city Greyhounds have just found themselves a new super fan in Relampago Blanco. I will follow this man though the gates of hell, doesn't matter if he is this pumped up about six man football and one score last season was 102-59. Who cares if the Greyhounds are a joke to some, to many they are the most dominate and physical force in their district, their state, or even in all high school football.
Which one is better? Never mind don't even need to ask, I know.
VS.


- ALSO COACH STEELE IS GANNA GET HIS ASS BEAT ON OCT.15TH

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?

I DON'T GET IT. WHAT THE FUCK DO ANY OF THESE HAVE TO DO WITH JEANS? SHIT IS JUST CREEPY.

BEER ONCE AGAIN SAVES LIVES

It pays to be around brew dogs. Yesterday at Nationals park in Washington D.C. no one was watching the game, mainly because they suck right now but also because a young boy was choking on his chicken. Step in Emmanuel Marlow, a beer vendor at the park and over all good guy. When big man over here came upon the scene everyone that was associated with this little guy was crying and jumping around, basically not doing anything to actually help this kid out. Well Marlow is a man of action and jumped right in while this kids actually family was crying and waiting for this kid to die like dicks, giving the heimlich like a motherfucker."I guess they never had experienced a first-aid situation," said Marlow, who had once worked a game at FedEx Field when a patron had a mild stroke. "[The boy] was actually going to a new color. I knew I needed to jump in and do it. There was no time for hesi�ta�tion. It had to be done right then and there."

After it was all said and done the end of the article said this kids mom spent 10 minutes hugging him and crying. Pretty sure as a beer vendor this guy really just wanted a tip.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, JAVARIS CRITTENTON KILLED SOMEONE

UPDATE - CRITTENTON TURNED HIMSELF IN. NOTHING BAD IS GANNA COME OF THIS, HE SAYS HE DIDN'T DO IT.
"Police say Crittenton reported being robbed of jewelry April 21 and may have thought a person on the sidewalk was responsible.It appears Mr. Crittenton observed who he thought was the perpetrator walking down the street," Major Keith Meadows told the AJC Friday. "It so happens Miss Jones was walking down the street at the same time.
But Jones was outside talking to neighbors and had just put the kids to bed, Harel Butler, Jones' boyfriend, told the AJC. Butler said he had dropped Jones off about 30 minutes earlier, and the two planned to go out later that evening on a date. Butler said he and Jones had been together nearly 10 years, and he had bought an engagement ring he planned to give her.I never got a chance to do that," Butler said.Several witnesses told police the shots were fired from a black Chevrolet Tahoe. Jones and Butler's children heard the shots from their bedroom, Butler said.
Jones was struck in the leg and later died during surgery. Two men with Jones fled and were not injured, and investigators now believe one of those men was the intended target."

Not sure why this isn't getting more pub but former NBA player who was never that good to begin with, Javaris Critteton, is wanted for murder. Read that again, MURDER. The FBI and Atlanta and Los Angeles police are searching for Critteton on allegations that he shot and killed Atlanta woman, Jullian Jones on August 19th. I don't think he did it though, this is the same guy who got into a small, non-deadly gun fight in the Wizards locker room with Gilbert Arenas. Mr. Arenas had the guns, there were words said and fingers pointed and they both agreed that a duel was the best way to settle thing. BUT the thing to take away from this is, it was never ungentlemanly. They BOTH agreed upon it together and went from there. So that type of rational thinking doesn't lead to murdering someone.

CANNONS WIN! CANNONS WIN!

Holy Shit the Boston Cannons won the championship. Up there with 2004 and 3 superbowls. But this is personal really, I have been telling people for years I was on the Cannons because it was the most believable pro sport to fake. Got me free shots and nothing else really just free shots and I got to be the center of attention for a little while at parties. Couldn't name a single player on the roster but I feel like today or yesterday apparently, we all won it all. Go CANNONS!!!!

GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!!!!!

BAD IRENE, SHITS NEVER GANNA BE THE SAME!!!! HIT ME UP IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!

KID FUCKED THIS GUY UP

Never been so under underwhelmed by somebody....but this time it's by the BLACK GUY. Poppin and lockin is suppose to be one of their things, just really disappointed. Hot damn, the white guy fucked him up. Bro, we're in the middle of fuckin bad Irene, need to step your game up.

BRO, DO SOMETHING FIRST AND THEN YOU CAN ACT LIKE AN ASS

The great Crash Davis once said " Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob." I don't think Brewers centerfield Nyjer Morgan gets the point of that quote. I just started reading an article in the new Sports Illustrated about the Milwaukee Brewers, it started off listing teams with colorful personalities that have won it all. For example Boston had Damon, San Francisco has Brian Wilson and then Brewers GM, Doug Melvin, points out that Milwaukee has Nyjer. I got like four paragraphs in and I couldn't take it anymore. Why the fuck do people like this guy. You can put him in the list with those other players BUT the only difference between those two and Morgan are that they are actually good players. You can act like an ass if you play well. Saying you are 6'6'' and 240 pounds and as fast as Usain Bolt would be somewhat funny if you didn't have only eight stolen bases this year. In fact your are someone who is suppose to be a stolen base threat but they mean nothing if you only have a 68% career success rate. Hitting .313 is nice but you don't score runs, you're career high is 74 granted you have been on shitty teams. The whole point is win something and then act like an ass, until then shut the fuck up.

- Here is Nyjer Morgan being not funny.

POOR BASTARD IS TAKIN DOWN BY WOMEN WRESTLERS, WHAT THE FUCK?

There comes a time in a lot of peoples life when they realize they are not one of the lucky ones. They won't be throwin it down in the NBA, they won't be catching touchdowns in the superbowl, or throwing 90 mph heat in the big leagues. Sometimes you just can't catch a break and shit just won't go your way. Well folks, I believe I have found the most unlucky man in the world. His name wasn't released but this guys story is incredible. Apparently my man here was involved in a hit and run ( he would be the runner). He slamed into the back of the car infront of him and he probably just got fired from Mickey D's or something and just wanted to get home so he chose to flee. Well to bad for him the dikes in the car he hit happened to be sisters and teammates on some fucking college wrestling team in Oklahoma, christ one of them was an offensive lineman in high school. They tackled my man before he even knew what him and put a tag team scissor move and held him until police came. I feel for you buddy, who fuckin knew they had woman's wrestling in college or in general. Poor Bastard

- That is Brittany Delgado, one of the she-beasts that took this guy down. Chick looks like an animal. Just more proof that this guy is the unluckiest man in the world.