Retard Radio

Well, it was retard hour this morning as Globe columnist Bob Ryan and Studio Host Kathryn Tappen filled in for the insufferable Dennis & Callahan that I was forced to listen to because the even more insufferable Damon Amedolora was filling in for Toucher and Rich. After a mediocre guest spot by Sean McDonough, the son of a guy, Will Mcdonough, who kinda knew Whitey Bulger (I shit you not, that was the premise) and who insinuated that his drunk aunt may have spied a disguised Bulger at his father’s funeral (seriously, this was the subject of conversation for a good ten minutes), Bob and Kathryn decided to take some phone calls.

First up, a woman who had clearly waited on hold for nearly an hour simply to ask the great question, “Isn’t that Adrian Gonzalez just like Mike Lowell? He’s just so nice.” WTF? First off, I liked Lowell too and the man had a solid ’06 season followed by a really good ’07, and I get that he was an affable, likeable guy, but for Christ’s sake the pinkhats need to get over this obsession with Lowell, the guy followed up ’07 with four injury marred seasons and finished last year by pouting on the bench because Tito wouldn’t let a guy with a bum hip play the hot corner. Secondly, A-Gon seems like just as likeable a guy as Lowell was, but besides having black hair and being bi-lingual the comparison ends there, the guy’s in position to put up historic numbers over the next few years and his season this year is on pace to be worth two years of Lowell’s statistics. So no lady, Adrian Gonzalez is not like Mike Lowell, he’s a lot fucking better.

Next up, a man who was clearly no older than twenty-five and on drugs talking about “Jimmy” as if he had been a member of James Whitey Bulger’s Winter Hill Gang in the eighties. “Oh, when Jimmy went into a rage it would make Charles Manson look like a, uh, uh, pussycat,” this blowhard of the radio told us. Shut the fuck up dude, you never met Bulger and it sounded suspiciously to me like you were describing Frank Costello, Jack Nicholson’s character in the Departed.

Finally, an elderly man, full of piss and vinegar, called up to rail against the fact that Congress was prosecuting Roger Clemens. “How in the world when we have all this debt and people are outta work can they waste their time going after Rogah?” He asked. The only problem of course is Congress is not going after Clemens you dumbass. The Feds are going after him for lying to Congress, but relax dipshit your local rep won’t be taking the Rocketman to task. This guy’s angry as hell over a problem that doesn’t and never will exist.

            Hey, do us a favor guys, when you get the urge to call your local sports radio show, just don’t. You’re fucking painful.