TEAM USA IS PEARL HARBORED

Team USA lost today in the final of the woman's world cup to Japan despite never having trailed to the Japanese through 120 minutes of gametime. In the end it was a series of penalty kicks that sank the womens team chances at a world championship. According to ESPN this is a huge American tragedy, its 9/11 times 1,000,  Hurricane Katrina or seeing Kathy Bates naked in About Schmidt all rolled into one. In reality though nobody really gives a shit because this sport is ridiculously uninteresting and will never catch on here. Thank God its over.