JESUS CHRISTO!!!!!!

Oh snap, Jesus Montero is ganna be called up when rosters expand Septemeber 1st. All we have heard is how this kid is the second coming of Manny Ramirez, although he has been pretty human in the minors up until recently this year. They also have another catching prospect who may have passed Montero behind the plate in Gary Sanchez. Time will tell but I think this kid is ganna be lame.

- I'm actually talkin out of my ass. I'm pumped as hell to see this guy play finally.

PLANETEERS ASSEMBLE!

There was talks of making a Captain Planet live action movie a few weeks back. How you can turn a propaganda film into a movie is beyond me but I think we just got a look at how this shit might turn out. I'm totally in.

JUST FOUND THE PATRIOTS NEXT COACH

Throughout my time playing or watching sports I have heard one truly great speech. I'm talking get you so pumped out to get out there and kick some ass, run through a brick wall type of speech. Well today Coach Tony D'Amato and his inches by inches speech can take a hike, I have found the second coming of Bill Belichick. His name is divalover159 or atleast that's his youtube account. Honestly the most pumped I have ever gotten listening to someone speak. The Knox city Greyhounds have just found themselves a new super fan in Relampago Blanco. I will follow this man though the gates of hell, doesn't matter if he is this pumped up about six man football and one score last season was 102-59. Who cares if the Greyhounds are a joke to some, to many they are the most dominate and physical force in their district, their state, or even in all high school football.
Which one is better? Never mind don't even need to ask, I know.
VS.


- ALSO COACH STEELE IS GANNA GET HIS ASS BEAT ON OCT.15TH

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?

I DON'T GET IT. WHAT THE FUCK DO ANY OF THESE HAVE TO DO WITH JEANS? SHIT IS JUST CREEPY.

BEER ONCE AGAIN SAVES LIVES

It pays to be around brew dogs. Yesterday at Nationals park in Washington D.C. no one was watching the game, mainly because they suck right now but also because a young boy was choking on his chicken. Step in Emmanuel Marlow, a beer vendor at the park and over all good guy. When big man over here came upon the scene everyone that was associated with this little guy was crying and jumping around, basically not doing anything to actually help this kid out. Well Marlow is a man of action and jumped right in while this kids actually family was crying and waiting for this kid to die like dicks, giving the heimlich like a motherfucker."I guess they never had experienced a first-aid situation," said Marlow, who had once worked a game at FedEx Field when a patron had a mild stroke. "[The boy] was actually going to a new color. I knew I needed to jump in and do it. There was no time for hesi�ta�tion. It had to be done right then and there."

After it was all said and done the end of the article said this kids mom spent 10 minutes hugging him and crying. Pretty sure as a beer vendor this guy really just wanted a tip.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, JAVARIS CRITTENTON KILLED SOMEONE

UPDATE - CRITTENTON TURNED HIMSELF IN. NOTHING BAD IS GANNA COME OF THIS, HE SAYS HE DIDN'T DO IT.
"Police say Crittenton reported being robbed of jewelry April 21 and may have thought a person on the sidewalk was responsible.It appears Mr. Crittenton observed who he thought was the perpetrator walking down the street," Major Keith Meadows told the AJC Friday. "It so happens Miss Jones was walking down the street at the same time.
But Jones was outside talking to neighbors and had just put the kids to bed, Harel Butler, Jones' boyfriend, told the AJC. Butler said he had dropped Jones off about 30 minutes earlier, and the two planned to go out later that evening on a date. Butler said he and Jones had been together nearly 10 years, and he had bought an engagement ring he planned to give her.I never got a chance to do that," Butler said.Several witnesses told police the shots were fired from a black Chevrolet Tahoe. Jones and Butler's children heard the shots from their bedroom, Butler said.
Jones was struck in the leg and later died during surgery. Two men with Jones fled and were not injured, and investigators now believe one of those men was the intended target."

Not sure why this isn't getting more pub but former NBA player who was never that good to begin with, Javaris Critteton, is wanted for murder. Read that again, MURDER. The FBI and Atlanta and Los Angeles police are searching for Critteton on allegations that he shot and killed Atlanta woman, Jullian Jones on August 19th. I don't think he did it though, this is the same guy who got into a small, non-deadly gun fight in the Wizards locker room with Gilbert Arenas. Mr. Arenas had the guns, there were words said and fingers pointed and they both agreed that a duel was the best way to settle thing. BUT the thing to take away from this is, it was never ungentlemanly. They BOTH agreed upon it together and went from there. So that type of rational thinking doesn't lead to murdering someone.

CANNONS WIN! CANNONS WIN!

Holy Shit the Boston Cannons won the championship. Up there with 2004 and 3 superbowls. But this is personal really, I have been telling people for years I was on the Cannons because it was the most believable pro sport to fake. Got me free shots and nothing else really just free shots and I got to be the center of attention for a little while at parties. Couldn't name a single player on the roster but I feel like today or yesterday apparently, we all won it all. Go CANNONS!!!!

GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!!!!!

BAD IRENE, SHITS NEVER GANNA BE THE SAME!!!! HIT ME UP IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!

KID FUCKED THIS GUY UP

Never been so under underwhelmed by somebody....but this time it's by the BLACK GUY. Poppin and lockin is suppose to be one of their things, just really disappointed. Hot damn, the white guy fucked him up. Bro, we're in the middle of fuckin bad Irene, need to step your game up.

BRO, DO SOMETHING FIRST AND THEN YOU CAN ACT LIKE AN ASS

The great Crash Davis once said " Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob." I don't think Brewers centerfield Nyjer Morgan gets the point of that quote. I just started reading an article in the new Sports Illustrated about the Milwaukee Brewers, it started off listing teams with colorful personalities that have won it all. For example Boston had Damon, San Francisco has Brian Wilson and then Brewers GM, Doug Melvin, points out that Milwaukee has Nyjer. I got like four paragraphs in and I couldn't take it anymore. Why the fuck do people like this guy. You can put him in the list with those other players BUT the only difference between those two and Morgan are that they are actually good players. You can act like an ass if you play well. Saying you are 6'6'' and 240 pounds and as fast as Usain Bolt would be somewhat funny if you didn't have only eight stolen bases this year. In fact your are someone who is suppose to be a stolen base threat but they mean nothing if you only have a 68% career success rate. Hitting .313 is nice but you don't score runs, you're career high is 74 granted you have been on shitty teams. The whole point is win something and then act like an ass, until then shut the fuck up.

- Here is Nyjer Morgan being not funny.

POOR BASTARD IS TAKIN DOWN BY WOMEN WRESTLERS, WHAT THE FUCK?

There comes a time in a lot of peoples life when they realize they are not one of the lucky ones. They won't be throwin it down in the NBA, they won't be catching touchdowns in the superbowl, or throwing 90 mph heat in the big leagues. Sometimes you just can't catch a break and shit just won't go your way. Well folks, I believe I have found the most unlucky man in the world. His name wasn't released but this guys story is incredible. Apparently my man here was involved in a hit and run ( he would be the runner). He slamed into the back of the car infront of him and he probably just got fired from Mickey D's or something and just wanted to get home so he chose to flee. Well to bad for him the dikes in the car he hit happened to be sisters and teammates on some fucking college wrestling team in Oklahoma, christ one of them was an offensive lineman in high school. They tackled my man before he even knew what him and put a tag team scissor move and held him until police came. I feel for you buddy, who fuckin knew they had woman's wrestling in college or in general. Poor Bastard

- That is Brittany Delgado, one of the she-beasts that took this guy down. Chick looks like an animal. Just more proof that this guy is the unluckiest man in the world.

MLS STILL EXISTS?

Holy the shit the MLS season is still going on? Apparently they got games going till November. I haven't seen a single highlight or heard anything about anything. Are the Revs good? Are the Houston Dynamo still our most heated rivals? What's going on, the world wants to know.

What is the worst league? The MLS or the WNBA? I mean at least the MLS has David Beckham coming over soon, so I'll go with the WNBA. He is suppose to make this league huge, so I'm pumped for that. Uh...I was just told Beckham came over like five years ago and shit hasn't changed. I guess the MLS still sucks, so now I really don't know.

LENNY DYKSTRA CAN DO NO WRONG IN MY EYES

Lenny Dykstra is the gift that keeps on giving. He was a solid player during his playing days, he hustled his way onto a few All-Star teams and was pretty much beloved by everyone. But after the glory shit has seemed to hit the fan for Mr. Dykstra, he pretty much fucked everyone over during real estate investments, has no money facing bankruptcy. Guy has pretty much lost it BUT NOT WITH THE LADIES. Today Mr. Dykstra has been arrested of charges of indecent exposure, exposing himself to a nice young woman on Craigslist. He could face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of $1,000 bucks for each time he exposed himself. Here's hoping it was more than once, not ganna get a lady with only one look, gotta tease em a while.

HOW LONG CAN YOU LAST?

Another Jersey Shore post but this one is ganna be short and to the point. You got a video with 21 questions with Sammi Sweetheart, it's 3:30 minutes of her answers. She's a B team version of Carrie from King of Queens. How long you ganna last, can you watch the whole video with this whiny, nasally bitch? Didn't even try, just wanna give others the chance.

SHE NEEDS TO DIE

Sometimes you just hate a person with all your being. Most of the time they really haven't done anything to you. Hell, you don't even have to know that person. But every time you see them your blood boils, your muscles clench, and your mind goes blank, just straight seeing red, turning into the Hulk. Number one of my list for a while has been Snooki from the Jersey Shore. She short, fat, and hideous but goes around thinking and acting like she's a 10. She's a solid 4 on a good day, honestly wouldn't even look back to check out her ass if she walked by me. Plus she gives off the impression that she smells like shit. Now there is a new number 1 on Relampago Blanco's list, this person also gives off the vibe of smelling like shit but they are 6'3'', with fake tits and a jacked up face. It is non other than Snooki's partner in crime, JWOWW. Can't even explain how much I hate this bitch and I'm not going to because there is a strong chance she could kick my ass. Just watch the video below and you'll see. She even dances like a cunt.

KID GOT HAMMERED

The kid is gettin hammered tonite. The name is moves and the kid is taking over the dance floor....

DAMN THESE PEOPLE, DAMN THEM STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Apparently this is a trailer for a movie titled " The Worst Movie Ever". It opened this past weekend in LA and made only $11 dollars, meaning only one person actually paid to see it.

I hate that I'm writing anything about this piece of shit because I am now playing right into these guys hand. They wanted this to happen. They probably told all their friends to stay away, get one person to go pay to see it and now they mathematically have the worst movie ever. Now sites like Slash Film are talking about it. These guys tried to make the next Troll 2 and it is probably going to work. Now people are ganna go out to see this piece of shit and make these guys successful. They knew what they were doing,fucking assholes.

PANTHERS OWNER TO CAM NEWTON: DON'T ACT BLACK

Cam Newton came into the league with plenty of baggage. He clearly took some dolla bills to go to Auburn but honestly what big time college athlete hasn't. I have no problem with it, these guys are the only reason schools stay afloat. But to people who think they are above it all, it was a huge problem and along with some of his mechanical issues there was some concern surrounding him when the Carolina Panthers took him number one overall. But now that he has played mediocre enough in the preseason to lead a shitty Panthers team into the regular season the owner has another message for his new star, don't act black. Panthers owner, Jerry Richardson suggested to big Cam that he not get any tattoos or piercing during his stay in the Carolina's so they can appeal to a broader audience. This is an actual convo that Richardson recalls having with Newton

“Do you have any tattoos?” he asked.

“No, sir,” Newton said. “I don’t have any.”

“We want to keep it that way,” Richardson said. “We want to keep no tattoos, no piercings, and I think you’ve got a very nice haircut.”


I see good things in the Panthers future as long as they keep those nice haircuts.

MITCH WILLIAMS CONTINUES TO BE THE DUMBEST MAN ON EARTH

Mitch Williams was a shitty relief pitcher when he played in the Major Leagues. You may remember him from such things as giving up the World Series clinching homer to Joe Carter in 1993. Hell, his teammates would put towels over their faces when he came in, he was that bad. Well he is actually even worse at his current job as a talking head on MLB network. Last year he went on to say Carlos Gonzalez is the best player in the game hands down, anyone who argued was a moron according to him. But today he has gone on to say one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Mr. Williams claims, Bryce Haper, as in number one prospect in baseball, as in every expert in the game believes he will be an MVP winner, homerun champ etc. etc., will never hit 30 homeruns in the big league. I'm starting to think Williams does this shit on purpose. I got nothing to back up my point that Williams is dumb except the above two statements. He just pisses me off because he talks with a slight stutter and he sucked at pitching. Even if Harper doesn't pan out the way everyone assumes, even if he doesn't hit 300, and never wins an MVP, he has the power to mash 30 bombs at least once in his career. Dude, Jack Cust hit 30 homers once. Carlos Gonzalez best player in the game...how's that shit working out for ya Williams.

YANKS GRAB ANOTHER BAT, DARSH

UPDATE - PENA STAYING WITH THE CUBS. CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

The New York Yankees claimed Cubs first basemen, Carlos Pena off waivers. The teams have 48 hours to work out a trade. This is actually a very sneaky sneaks move by the Yanks. Though Pena is a strikeout machine and can't hit for average, he gives New York another power bat. Most likely he pushes the living corpse Jorge Posada out of the DH role. Very troubling this move. New Yorks lineup is insane.

BENGALS CONTINUE TO BE SHITTY

" PROFOOTBALLTALK- With the start of the regular season less than three weeks away, Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer still hasn’t officially retired.

When he didn’t show up for the start of training camp, the Bengals placed Palmer on the reserve/did not report list, a move that potentially exposes Palmer to $30,000 per day in fines.

As a result, Palmer’s $11.5 million salary currently doesn’t count toward the cap, which is irrelevant since the Bengals remain many millions under the spending limit.

The end game for both sides remains unclear. Palmer possibly hasn’t officially retired in order to preserve his ability to show up on a moment’s notice, if he decides to do so. By reporting, for example, in the days before the first game of the season, the Bengals would have to decide quickly whether to cut him or to keep him, given that his base salary becomes fully guaranteed as of Week One.

Either way, this thing isn’t over yet. Otherwise, Palmer would simply file his retirement papers, and move on."

Palmer hasn't really been the same since he took a person to the knee in 2006 or 2007 don't really care to look it up but he is no doubt still a top 10-12 quarterback in a league with a lot of weak qb play. But the real story here has to be how awful the Bengals organization is. Is there any doubt Mike Brown is right on Al Davis' heels as the worst owner in football. When a guy making $11.5 million isn't going to show up because you are such a piece of shit, that has to seal the deal for you. Predicting a solid 1-15 season from the Bungels. Andy Dalton has looked good though in the preseason ( 55% completion, 155 yards, with a 35.5 rating and 3 int's), so shouldn't be any rush to get Carson back.

Also there is no question Mike Brown, one of the cheapest owners in the game, is going to charge that $30,000 real soon.

HOW IS SHE NOT MORE FAMOUS???

Just found the hottest girl in the world. No questions asked. You will not be able to convince me otherwise. Why are overrated sluts like Haley Berry famous and getting the love when Ms. Elaine Alden here get nothing. Elaine Alden....

BEST.GAME.EVER

No fucking way this is actually a real game. This is... genius. What better way to get kids to wanna pick up their dogs shit than to actually make it worth points. There is ganna be so many shitty hands across America real soon. You win Doggie Doo.

Hey NESN, the Baby Fucking Sucks

It's been bad enough watching the Sox waddle through what can only be termed a middling August as they've been hit with injuries to big guns like Jacoby Ellsbury, Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz but NESN feels the need to compund everyone's misery with these awful rip-offs of the already infuriating e-trade baby. I understand NESN has the production budget of a Saturday afternoon SyFy movie and thus we have been subjected to such gems as Sox Appeal, NESN Sports Daily, DirtyWater "News", Charlie Moore and staring at Dennis & Callahan in the morning but this is too far. Cut the shit, and pull this crap before you drive millions of people throughout New England insane.

WHATEVER THIS THING IS, IT'S PISSED.

So I guess all the stereotypes about World of Warcraft players were wrong. They are actually swift of foot, with ninjutsu moves coming out their ass. They are not disgusting, fat pieces of shit, who seem to only be able to relate to people through the internet or in this creatures case not able to relate to people in general. Also who knew gansta's played the game, shit just got serious. But I do like how this one doesn't take itself too serious, just in it for the love of the game and seems to be able to handle a good ole' fashion ribbing from her WOW buds online.

But on the realz, did you see how fast those moves were? If this thing was coming at me no way I'm ganna be able to deal with that five second reaction time between punches and blocks. Just no way I'd be able to land anything. Plus she's takin down street lamp posts with a pipe, that must have been some serious internet bullying.

- On a side note was she making fun of someone for being 500,600 pounds or just repeating the "bullies"? Is she a lawyer or again twus it one of the bullies? Something to look in to.

SHITTY ATHLETE SAYS HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF COACH WAS NICER

"I heard how he was perceiving me before the [2008] draft, before he knew me, and I was the same way -- I wasn't hoping for him to be [my] first coach of the Jets when I was there, either," said Gholston, who was picked sixth overall in the 2008 NFL Draft.

"Being a first-round pick, you would have hoped for more [of a chance]," he added.

"Rex made a comment to me when he first came in that he thought I wasn't liked by the guys on the team, then once he got there he saw that wasn't the case," Gholston said. "Those perceptions kind of determine the outcome, and it's sad to say."

Those are three quotes from former first round pick (read:bust) Vernon Gholston, crying about how he didn't get a chance to play under Rex Ryan. I can't stand Ryan has much as the next guy but he is a good coach and has no problem dealing with outspoken personalities or putting talent on the field. As a top 10 pick Mr. Gholston you were suppose to be a part of that talent. Bro, you were the 6th overall pick weather the coach didn't like you or not the team had to play you those first two years because the organization is paying you a shit ton of money. Only problem with that is well, you sucked bad. Like no sacks bad but that was only the reason you were drafted. But lets just sweep that under the rug, if Rex hugged you a little more you probably would have been the tits.

- On Hard Knocks it seemed like big Rex wanted you to turn it around but it's better to just make excuses instead of admitting you were a giant piece of shit on the field. Just another player who looked better in t-shirt and shorts, than he did in pads.

IS IT RACIST?

Was watching First Pitch on NESN and a commerical for this site "Blackpeoplemeet.com" came up. It says it is only for exciting and successful black people. What if your personality sucks so you're not that exciting like most people who join dating sites, can you still join? But the more important question is if someone came up with a "Whitepeoplemeet.com" only for exciting and successful non-black people, is it racist? Honestly wanna know and remember Relampago Blanco supports all thing black - basketball,chicken, weed - you name it I like it. So no racism here,just wanna know.

RAIDERS PLAY CHESS, WELL EVERYONE ELSE PLAYS CHECKERS.

In one of the least shocking moves ever, the Oakland Raiders drafted Terrelle Pryor in the third round of todays Supplemental Draft. Pryor seems like he handles authority well and Al Davis seems to like it when people don't listen to him, so really no way this isn't a match made in heaven.

But on another note, if you're actually a successful franchise and not the Raiders and have multiple picks in later rounds, why not take a chance on this guy? Worse comes to worse you still have another pick in the round (looking at you Mr. Belichick)



- I'll put this little experiment at about 10% chance of actually working out for Oakland. Pryor needs to be a receiver or tight end to do anything in the NFL.

KEVIN DURANT SIGNS ON TO STAR IN NEW MOVIE, NO POSSIBLE WAY IT ENDS UP SUCKING.

" THE OKLAHOMAN - Kevin Durant is on the verge of agreeing to starring in a major Warner Bros. film. The film will have a basketball subplot and is scheduled to begin shooting in mid-September. Neither Durant nor his representatives could be reached for comment."

This movie is ganna be the tits. WB just locked up someone who has no personality or ever shown the ability to actually act, but I have a good feeling about this. Kevin Durant the basketball player, starring in a movie with a basketball subplot. Ask yourself if you don't see Oscar gold in the future. And When was the last time a movie starring an athlete actually sucked?

- If this isn't Space Jam 2 I'm ganna be so pissed.

DID IT TO YOURSELVES FELLAS

"TEHRAN, Iran -- Two American men arrested more than two years ago while hiking along the Iraq-Iran border have been sentenced to eight years in prison on charges that include espionage, state TV reported Saturday, in an apparent sharp blow to hopes their release was imminent."

Aren't these hikers asking for it at this point. Seriously, what the hell is so enticing about the middle east that these douche bags just have to see. At this point they are pretty much challenging the police. The middle east is the worlds toilet bowl, nothing good can come from taking a trip there. Just don't do it.

HAUNTED HIGH IS GANNA BE THE TITS

"Haunted High is a SyFy original movie directed by Jeffrey Lando. It’s about a private school that’s taken over by a demonic headmaster, who’ll be played by Lost‘s M.C. Gainey. Danny Trejo will be the secretly kick-ass custodian and other roles will be played by Charisma Carpenter and Marc Donato. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film might see a limited theatrical release."
No way I'm missing this one. Syfy is killin it with these Movies. Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octupus, the return of Mega shark in Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, SHARKTOPUS,Frankenfish and the super under rated Blood Monkeys. But Haunted High sounds like their best yet AND it may actually makes the theaters. NO FUCKING WAY I DON'T SEE THIS.

-

- So sharktopus was created when an octopus grabbed a great white? Unreal.

LIES!!!!!!

Trick life just tricked me because that shit is lies. No way you turn water into ice in seconds, you're ganna be staring at a glass of water for hours if you actually try this.

Bill Plaschke Can Fuck Off Anytime Now

Sports Writers these days have just as big an ego or bigger than the athletes they cover. From Dan Shaughnessy and Jay Mariotti saying every one of their home paper teams suck, to J.A. Adande trying to get the fucking Adande Lounge on TV,they all think they have the answers for everything and whatever they say is obviously the right thing. Well Bill Plaschke has just crossed the fucking line. He is a piece of shit, who clearly was never good at sports, covering sports and just throwing his opinion out because he now has the platform to make people listen. Today he said the Little League World Series should be banned from TV because he "doesn't like seeing little kids fail in public". But in reality you know this fucking guy loves it, he probably never made any of the All-Star teams that he tried out for and now is trying to put the popular jocks in the corner. I get some parents are fucking awful but it's a great event and these kids are ganna cry no matter if it's on national tv or in someones backyard, shit happens. Just fuck off Plaschke, I'm sure something else in LA needs covering right now. Give me more Tim Cowlishaw or Jackie Mac, fuck it I'd take Woody Paige over Plaschke.

Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie Aren't Gay

Word broke out of New York this week that some 900 people signed a petition urging the producers of Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie come out of the closet and tie the knot in a gay marriage ceremony in front of their closest friends.
Sesame Street's response: What the Fuck?
Okay, so it wasn't that strongly worded but Sesame Street was forced to point out the obvious that Bert and Ernie are puppets and have no sexual orientation. Hell, they don't even have dicks. The show the went on to point out that the entire point of the ambiguously gay duo was to show kids that two people who are different can be close friends. Gotta hand it to Sesame Street on this one for telling 900 weird fuckers with nothing better to do to go to hell. Well done.

GET ME THIS NOW

This is the first and last time I will want anything hockey related. All I wanna know is who I am ganna dominate in this game?

GET HIS ASS OUTTA HERE

When do you call it quits on a player? I really don't know, my rule of thumb is if they get hurt in three consecutive seasons get his ass out of there. But teams all over are constantly relying on guys who are clearly year after year injury problems. The Indians just got word that Grady Sizemore most likely won't return until September, if he returns at all. He has been out since July 18th and this marks the third straight year that Grady has missed significant time. He hasn't played in 100 games since 2009 and even then it was only 106 games. The A's hung on to Eric Chavez for four years when it was clear he was just too hurt to play. The Yanks signed him this year and what do you know...he got hurt again. He's only played in 27 games. The Rockets with Yao was fucking ridiculous, people 7'6'' tall are meant to be sideshow freaks not NBA centers. And the Trailblazers are doing it with Greg Oden. So the rule of thumb has to be three years and you're out. So if I'm Cleveland I'm looking to get Grady healthy in the off-season show him off in spring training and try to get atleast 60 cents on the dollar for him.

THE NEXT FOOD NETWORK STAR

Not really a lot to say on this except this kid is...awesome. I honestly thought I would hate him but everything he says I always think. Chicken McNuggets, love em. Papa Ginos, the tits. Ellios, love it!! You can always tell when he likes something because he gets that smart ass smirk on his face, which is the same thing that happens to me but I like him. I mean don't get me wrong this kid is absolutely disgusting and the worst part about his videos is you can actually see him aging from a small cute fat kid to a teenage huge fat kid with acne and pizza grease all over him. But all and all his videos are not bad. Check out the Ellios one, shit left him speechless. He also gives a really smart review.

Keep Going Jones

I Like the cut of Your Gib Jones

Apparently this guy's been tearing it up for years but I've just now stumbled upon these. Fucking Genius.

Is this the most embarrassing thing Ever?

Just Fast Forward to 1:11

Hey Theo, Franklin Morales SUCKS

So I'm watching the Sox game just as Franklin Morales walked to the mound and proceeded to give up a long wall ball double to Travis Hafner and followed that stellar effort with a two run bomb to break open what had been a tie game and I've gotta say I've seen enough. I could give a shit what the stats say, the eye test says this guy blows dog dick and the experiment is over. Yeah, you're right Theo who could see that guy with middling talent, barely hacking it in the titanic National League West wouldn't work out in the American League? Get him outta here.

Andy Dick: Sexual Deviant

Word broke out of L.A. last week that unfunny comedian Andy Dick, 45, was ordered to stand trial for alleged sexual assualt this coming January. Turns out that a coked up and shit-faced Dick decided to go FLAMING gay on the locals at a Huntington Beach watering hole in January of 2010, grabbing the crotch of a male bouncer and forcefully kissing a male patron before attempting to molest the group of bouncers and police forced to remove him. Jesus, could you imagine being the poor bastard bouncing that night, making no more than $10 an hour and having that fiend come at your crotch?

     Truth is this guy should have been facing jailtime a long, long time ago, he's not funny he's just irritating. Being aggravating isn't endearing, regardless of your sexuality. People like this asshole highlight a huge problem in American society where talentless hacks like him, Kathy Griffin, Kim Kardashian and the entire gang from Jersey Shore are raking in millions while everyone else is scraping by, struggling to make ends meet. Why is this guy even famous? In fact, the more I write this the more I'm starting to wonder just what the fuck was going on in this country in the early nineties? Could you imagine pitching a movie where your three leads are Pauly Shore, Andy Dick and David Alan Grier? Good night, I reckon you'd get your ass kicked for stuff like that now.

MEET HOLLYWOODS NEWEST PIECE OF SHIT: SUPERMAN - MAN OF STEEL

I'll admit it, I liked 300. It was awesome, Dawn of the Dead was okay, but owls of g'hoole or whatever sucked ass, same with sucker punch. Honestly, what the fuck was with that one Zack? But I feel 100 percent confident saying that Zack is going for the tri-fecta here, his new Superman is ganna be a piece of shit. Before he was hired he was goin on and on about how he didn't know enough about the character to feel comfortable taking it over. But WB flashed those green backs and here he is, also he hired Laurence Fishburn as Perry White so he's off to a good start. But just look at this, not much to say, just pretty sure it's ganna suck.

- Superman isn't cool.

Fuck Tony Larussa, Fuck Him In His Stupid Ass

Relampago Blanco has returned to Durty Watah and he is not happy. I love baseball but in all honestly most of the people involved in it are arrogant cunts, who think they are better than everybody else. Exibit A is St.Louis Cardinals skipper, Tony Larussa. It is no secret that Larussa is a giant cunt and is known to think he is the smartest man around ( he's not). But the reason Relampago is upset is because he just came up with one of the dumbest accusations I have ever heard. The Cardinals Battled the Brewers last night and won 8-7 in 11 innings but Tony has accused the Brew Crew of cheating. He says the only reason Milwaukee has played so well at home is because they do the worst of the worst, they cheat. There is no way the Brewers or any team for that matter could play well without Larussa's involvement, he's the smartest man in the game, how can a team win without him?. He says the LED boards shown brighter when the Brewers came to bat, making it easier to see the ball and darker for the Red Birds.

Now I am not the smartest man in the world and maybe I am wrong about this but wouldn't the LED boards getting bright during a night game make it more difficult to pick up the ball? Having a light in your face doesn't really help the cause. I'll just go ask Tony to explain, the man is a genius after all.

Bill Belichick, Proving Once Again that we can all Kiss his Ass

Since 2008, the popular refrain/lament throughout New England has been that the Patriots have lacked the ability to rush the passer. The panic level around these parts was increased last season as the Pats, despite posting a 14-2 regular season, allowed opponents to convert on third down a whopping 47% of the time, nearly two percentage points worse than the 2008 Detroit Lions who, you know, only went 0-16. It was becoming increasingly clear that Belichick lacked the players to execute his once vaunted 'read and react' version of the 3-4 made popular by the likes of Lawrence Taylor, Harry Carson, Willie McGinest and Tedy Bruschi. The defensive line was a shell of itself after Richard Seymour was jettisoned and Ty Warren left to have pre-emptive season ending surgery in training camp. The outside linebacker position once manned by the likes of McGinest and Mike Vrabel was now occupied by a rookie second round draft pick in Jermaine Cunningham and journeyman like Rob Ninkovich and Tully Banta-Cain. Only lineman Vince Wilfork and Inside Linebacker Jerrod Mayo proved to be reliable members of the front seven. It was a testament to Tom Brady's awesomeness that this team managed to win at all.
      Things looked worse as the draft went by. Belichick ignored the glaring weakness of his team by choosing to shore up his suspect offensive line and bolster his running game. New England went nuts as the Man in the Gray Hood seemed to be embracing his anemic passrush and was seen to be consigning his front seven to another ass-raping in the playoffs.
      Nearly seven days into training camp however and Belichick has told all of us in New England to STFU as he has clearly demonstrated that he knows what he's doing and once again is the smartest man in the room. After getting cut this past Friday, Ty Warren hinted that the Pats had chosen to go in a different direction defensively and the first few days of training camp have hinted that that is indeed the case. With the trade for oft troubled Albert Haynesworth, Belichick has demonstrated a willingness to abandon what was increasingly becoming an antiquated version of the 3-4 for a more aggressive 4-3 base. In camp the base defense seems to be a front four of Jermaine Cunningham and Eric Moore on the ends with Haynesworth and Wilfork in the middle. This leaves the former inside linebacking core as the new core of backers with Mayo and Guyton on the outside with second year player and pornstar Brandon Spikes manning the middle. There's no telling if this will solve the problem of the Pats inability to stuff the run, they ceded an average of 4.2 yards per rush last season, but at the very least they should be far more aggressive in the passing game and wreak havoc in opposing backfields with this new alignment. Haynesworth and Wilfork will occupy the majority of blockers allowing the backers and ends to roam free as mismatches will abound around the football field. They'll be bolstered by what is shaping up to be a fearsome secondary behind them. So look at that, I guess Bill didn't lose his fastball and knew what the fuck he was doing all along. I guess we can all just go fuck ourselves now and kiss the rings.

Funniest Thing Evah about Rapelisberger

We here at DurtyWathah are no fan of Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger of course, they guy after all lucked in to at least one of those Lombardi trophies by having a capable defense and Mike Holmgren to bail him out and he's most likely a sex offender, and so it is with great pride that this little nugget was uncovered in the Deadspin archives. I have no idea how this didn't get more play, but it can be read here.