MLS STILL EXISTS?

Holy the shit the MLS season is still going on? Apparently they got games going till November. I haven't seen a single highlight or heard anything about anything. Are the Revs good? Are the Houston Dynamo still our most heated rivals? What's going on, the world wants to know.

What is the worst league? The MLS or the WNBA? I mean at least the MLS has David Beckham coming over soon, so I'll go with the WNBA. He is suppose to make this league huge, so I'm pumped for that. Uh...I was just told Beckham came over like five years ago and shit hasn't changed. I guess the MLS still sucks, so now I really don't know.

LENNY DYKSTRA CAN DO NO WRONG IN MY EYES

Lenny Dykstra is the gift that keeps on giving. He was a solid player during his playing days, he hustled his way onto a few All-Star teams and was pretty much beloved by everyone. But after the glory shit has seemed to hit the fan for Mr. Dykstra, he pretty much fucked everyone over during real estate investments, has no money facing bankruptcy. Guy has pretty much lost it BUT NOT WITH THE LADIES. Today Mr. Dykstra has been arrested of charges of indecent exposure, exposing himself to a nice young woman on Craigslist. He could face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of $1,000 bucks for each time he exposed himself. Here's hoping it was more than once, not ganna get a lady with only one look, gotta tease em a while.

HOW LONG CAN YOU LAST?

Another Jersey Shore post but this one is ganna be short and to the point. You got a video with 21 questions with Sammi Sweetheart, it's 3:30 minutes of her answers. She's a B team version of Carrie from King of Queens. How long you ganna last, can you watch the whole video with this whiny, nasally bitch? Didn't even try, just wanna give others the chance.

SHE NEEDS TO DIE

Sometimes you just hate a person with all your being. Most of the time they really haven't done anything to you. Hell, you don't even have to know that person. But every time you see them your blood boils, your muscles clench, and your mind goes blank, just straight seeing red, turning into the Hulk. Number one of my list for a while has been Snooki from the Jersey Shore. She short, fat, and hideous but goes around thinking and acting like she's a 10. She's a solid 4 on a good day, honestly wouldn't even look back to check out her ass if she walked by me. Plus she gives off the impression that she smells like shit. Now there is a new number 1 on Relampago Blanco's list, this person also gives off the vibe of smelling like shit but they are 6'3'', with fake tits and a jacked up face. It is non other than Snooki's partner in crime, JWOWW. Can't even explain how much I hate this bitch and I'm not going to because there is a strong chance she could kick my ass. Just watch the video below and you'll see. She even dances like a cunt.

KID GOT HAMMERED

The kid is gettin hammered tonite. The name is moves and the kid is taking over the dance floor....

DAMN THESE PEOPLE, DAMN THEM STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Apparently this is a trailer for a movie titled " The Worst Movie Ever". It opened this past weekend in LA and made only $11 dollars, meaning only one person actually paid to see it.

I hate that I'm writing anything about this piece of shit because I am now playing right into these guys hand. They wanted this to happen. They probably told all their friends to stay away, get one person to go pay to see it and now they mathematically have the worst movie ever. Now sites like Slash Film are talking about it. These guys tried to make the next Troll 2 and it is probably going to work. Now people are ganna go out to see this piece of shit and make these guys successful. They knew what they were doing,fucking assholes.

PANTHERS OWNER TO CAM NEWTON: DON'T ACT BLACK

Cam Newton came into the league with plenty of baggage. He clearly took some dolla bills to go to Auburn but honestly what big time college athlete hasn't. I have no problem with it, these guys are the only reason schools stay afloat. But to people who think they are above it all, it was a huge problem and along with some of his mechanical issues there was some concern surrounding him when the Carolina Panthers took him number one overall. But now that he has played mediocre enough in the preseason to lead a shitty Panthers team into the regular season the owner has another message for his new star, don't act black. Panthers owner, Jerry Richardson suggested to big Cam that he not get any tattoos or piercing during his stay in the Carolina's so they can appeal to a broader audience. This is an actual convo that Richardson recalls having with Newton

“Do you have any tattoos?” he asked.

“No, sir,” Newton said. “I don’t have any.”

“We want to keep it that way,” Richardson said. “We want to keep no tattoos, no piercings, and I think you’ve got a very nice haircut.”


I see good things in the Panthers future as long as they keep those nice haircuts.

MITCH WILLIAMS CONTINUES TO BE THE DUMBEST MAN ON EARTH

Mitch Williams was a shitty relief pitcher when he played in the Major Leagues. You may remember him from such things as giving up the World Series clinching homer to Joe Carter in 1993. Hell, his teammates would put towels over their faces when he came in, he was that bad. Well he is actually even worse at his current job as a talking head on MLB network. Last year he went on to say Carlos Gonzalez is the best player in the game hands down, anyone who argued was a moron according to him. But today he has gone on to say one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Mr. Williams claims, Bryce Haper, as in number one prospect in baseball, as in every expert in the game believes he will be an MVP winner, homerun champ etc. etc., will never hit 30 homeruns in the big league. I'm starting to think Williams does this shit on purpose. I got nothing to back up my point that Williams is dumb except the above two statements. He just pisses me off because he talks with a slight stutter and he sucked at pitching. Even if Harper doesn't pan out the way everyone assumes, even if he doesn't hit 300, and never wins an MVP, he has the power to mash 30 bombs at least once in his career. Dude, Jack Cust hit 30 homers once. Carlos Gonzalez best player in the game...how's that shit working out for ya Williams.

YANKS GRAB ANOTHER BAT, DARSH

UPDATE - PENA STAYING WITH THE CUBS. CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

The New York Yankees claimed Cubs first basemen, Carlos Pena off waivers. The teams have 48 hours to work out a trade. This is actually a very sneaky sneaks move by the Yanks. Though Pena is a strikeout machine and can't hit for average, he gives New York another power bat. Most likely he pushes the living corpse Jorge Posada out of the DH role. Very troubling this move. New Yorks lineup is insane.

BENGALS CONTINUE TO BE SHITTY

" PROFOOTBALLTALK- With the start of the regular season less than three weeks away, Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer still hasn’t officially retired.

When he didn’t show up for the start of training camp, the Bengals placed Palmer on the reserve/did not report list, a move that potentially exposes Palmer to $30,000 per day in fines.

As a result, Palmer’s $11.5 million salary currently doesn’t count toward the cap, which is irrelevant since the Bengals remain many millions under the spending limit.

The end game for both sides remains unclear. Palmer possibly hasn’t officially retired in order to preserve his ability to show up on a moment’s notice, if he decides to do so. By reporting, for example, in the days before the first game of the season, the Bengals would have to decide quickly whether to cut him or to keep him, given that his base salary becomes fully guaranteed as of Week One.

Either way, this thing isn’t over yet. Otherwise, Palmer would simply file his retirement papers, and move on."

Palmer hasn't really been the same since he took a person to the knee in 2006 or 2007 don't really care to look it up but he is no doubt still a top 10-12 quarterback in a league with a lot of weak qb play. But the real story here has to be how awful the Bengals organization is. Is there any doubt Mike Brown is right on Al Davis' heels as the worst owner in football. When a guy making $11.5 million isn't going to show up because you are such a piece of shit, that has to seal the deal for you. Predicting a solid 1-15 season from the Bungels. Andy Dalton has looked good though in the preseason ( 55% completion, 155 yards, with a 35.5 rating and 3 int's), so shouldn't be any rush to get Carson back.

Also there is no question Mike Brown, one of the cheapest owners in the game, is going to charge that $30,000 real soon.

HOW IS SHE NOT MORE FAMOUS???

Just found the hottest girl in the world. No questions asked. You will not be able to convince me otherwise. Why are overrated sluts like Haley Berry famous and getting the love when Ms. Elaine Alden here get nothing. Elaine Alden....

BEST.GAME.EVER

No fucking way this is actually a real game. This is... genius. What better way to get kids to wanna pick up their dogs shit than to actually make it worth points. There is ganna be so many shitty hands across America real soon. You win Doggie Doo.

Hey NESN, the Baby Fucking Sucks

It's been bad enough watching the Sox waddle through what can only be termed a middling August as they've been hit with injuries to big guns like Jacoby Ellsbury, Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz but NESN feels the need to compund everyone's misery with these awful rip-offs of the already infuriating e-trade baby. I understand NESN has the production budget of a Saturday afternoon SyFy movie and thus we have been subjected to such gems as Sox Appeal, NESN Sports Daily, DirtyWater "News", Charlie Moore and staring at Dennis & Callahan in the morning but this is too far. Cut the shit, and pull this crap before you drive millions of people throughout New England insane.

WHATEVER THIS THING IS, IT'S PISSED.

So I guess all the stereotypes about World of Warcraft players were wrong. They are actually swift of foot, with ninjutsu moves coming out their ass. They are not disgusting, fat pieces of shit, who seem to only be able to relate to people through the internet or in this creatures case not able to relate to people in general. Also who knew gansta's played the game, shit just got serious. But I do like how this one doesn't take itself too serious, just in it for the love of the game and seems to be able to handle a good ole' fashion ribbing from her WOW buds online.

But on the realz, did you see how fast those moves were? If this thing was coming at me no way I'm ganna be able to deal with that five second reaction time between punches and blocks. Just no way I'd be able to land anything. Plus she's takin down street lamp posts with a pipe, that must have been some serious internet bullying.

- On a side note was she making fun of someone for being 500,600 pounds or just repeating the "bullies"? Is she a lawyer or again twus it one of the bullies? Something to look in to.

SHITTY ATHLETE SAYS HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF COACH WAS NICER

"I heard how he was perceiving me before the [2008] draft, before he knew me, and I was the same way -- I wasn't hoping for him to be [my] first coach of the Jets when I was there, either," said Gholston, who was picked sixth overall in the 2008 NFL Draft.

"Being a first-round pick, you would have hoped for more [of a chance]," he added.

"Rex made a comment to me when he first came in that he thought I wasn't liked by the guys on the team, then once he got there he saw that wasn't the case," Gholston said. "Those perceptions kind of determine the outcome, and it's sad to say."

Those are three quotes from former first round pick (read:bust) Vernon Gholston, crying about how he didn't get a chance to play under Rex Ryan. I can't stand Ryan has much as the next guy but he is a good coach and has no problem dealing with outspoken personalities or putting talent on the field. As a top 10 pick Mr. Gholston you were suppose to be a part of that talent. Bro, you were the 6th overall pick weather the coach didn't like you or not the team had to play you those first two years because the organization is paying you a shit ton of money. Only problem with that is well, you sucked bad. Like no sacks bad but that was only the reason you were drafted. But lets just sweep that under the rug, if Rex hugged you a little more you probably would have been the tits.

- On Hard Knocks it seemed like big Rex wanted you to turn it around but it's better to just make excuses instead of admitting you were a giant piece of shit on the field. Just another player who looked better in t-shirt and shorts, than he did in pads.

IS IT RACIST?

Was watching First Pitch on NESN and a commerical for this site "Blackpeoplemeet.com" came up. It says it is only for exciting and successful black people. What if your personality sucks so you're not that exciting like most people who join dating sites, can you still join? But the more important question is if someone came up with a "Whitepeoplemeet.com" only for exciting and successful non-black people, is it racist? Honestly wanna know and remember Relampago Blanco supports all thing black - basketball,chicken, weed - you name it I like it. So no racism here,just wanna know.

RAIDERS PLAY CHESS, WELL EVERYONE ELSE PLAYS CHECKERS.

In one of the least shocking moves ever, the Oakland Raiders drafted Terrelle Pryor in the third round of todays Supplemental Draft. Pryor seems like he handles authority well and Al Davis seems to like it when people don't listen to him, so really no way this isn't a match made in heaven.

But on another note, if you're actually a successful franchise and not the Raiders and have multiple picks in later rounds, why not take a chance on this guy? Worse comes to worse you still have another pick in the round (looking at you Mr. Belichick)



- I'll put this little experiment at about 10% chance of actually working out for Oakland. Pryor needs to be a receiver or tight end to do anything in the NFL.

KEVIN DURANT SIGNS ON TO STAR IN NEW MOVIE, NO POSSIBLE WAY IT ENDS UP SUCKING.

" THE OKLAHOMAN - Kevin Durant is on the verge of agreeing to starring in a major Warner Bros. film. The film will have a basketball subplot and is scheduled to begin shooting in mid-September. Neither Durant nor his representatives could be reached for comment."

This movie is ganna be the tits. WB just locked up someone who has no personality or ever shown the ability to actually act, but I have a good feeling about this. Kevin Durant the basketball player, starring in a movie with a basketball subplot. Ask yourself if you don't see Oscar gold in the future. And When was the last time a movie starring an athlete actually sucked?

- If this isn't Space Jam 2 I'm ganna be so pissed.

DID IT TO YOURSELVES FELLAS

"TEHRAN, Iran -- Two American men arrested more than two years ago while hiking along the Iraq-Iran border have been sentenced to eight years in prison on charges that include espionage, state TV reported Saturday, in an apparent sharp blow to hopes their release was imminent."

Aren't these hikers asking for it at this point. Seriously, what the hell is so enticing about the middle east that these douche bags just have to see. At this point they are pretty much challenging the police. The middle east is the worlds toilet bowl, nothing good can come from taking a trip there. Just don't do it.

HAUNTED HIGH IS GANNA BE THE TITS

"Haunted High is a SyFy original movie directed by Jeffrey Lando. It’s about a private school that’s taken over by a demonic headmaster, who’ll be played by Lost‘s M.C. Gainey. Danny Trejo will be the secretly kick-ass custodian and other roles will be played by Charisma Carpenter and Marc Donato. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film might see a limited theatrical release."
No way I'm missing this one. Syfy is killin it with these Movies. Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octupus, the return of Mega shark in Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, SHARKTOPUS,Frankenfish and the super under rated Blood Monkeys. But Haunted High sounds like their best yet AND it may actually makes the theaters. NO FUCKING WAY I DON'T SEE THIS.

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- So sharktopus was created when an octopus grabbed a great white? Unreal.

LIES!!!!!!

Trick life just tricked me because that shit is lies. No way you turn water into ice in seconds, you're ganna be staring at a glass of water for hours if you actually try this.

Bill Plaschke Can Fuck Off Anytime Now

Sports Writers these days have just as big an ego or bigger than the athletes they cover. From Dan Shaughnessy and Jay Mariotti saying every one of their home paper teams suck, to J.A. Adande trying to get the fucking Adande Lounge on TV,they all think they have the answers for everything and whatever they say is obviously the right thing. Well Bill Plaschke has just crossed the fucking line. He is a piece of shit, who clearly was never good at sports, covering sports and just throwing his opinion out because he now has the platform to make people listen. Today he said the Little League World Series should be banned from TV because he "doesn't like seeing little kids fail in public". But in reality you know this fucking guy loves it, he probably never made any of the All-Star teams that he tried out for and now is trying to put the popular jocks in the corner. I get some parents are fucking awful but it's a great event and these kids are ganna cry no matter if it's on national tv or in someones backyard, shit happens. Just fuck off Plaschke, I'm sure something else in LA needs covering right now. Give me more Tim Cowlishaw or Jackie Mac, fuck it I'd take Woody Paige over Plaschke.

Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie Aren't Gay

Word broke out of New York this week that some 900 people signed a petition urging the producers of Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie come out of the closet and tie the knot in a gay marriage ceremony in front of their closest friends.
Sesame Street's response: What the Fuck?
Okay, so it wasn't that strongly worded but Sesame Street was forced to point out the obvious that Bert and Ernie are puppets and have no sexual orientation. Hell, they don't even have dicks. The show the went on to point out that the entire point of the ambiguously gay duo was to show kids that two people who are different can be close friends. Gotta hand it to Sesame Street on this one for telling 900 weird fuckers with nothing better to do to go to hell. Well done.

GET ME THIS NOW

This is the first and last time I will want anything hockey related. All I wanna know is who I am ganna dominate in this game?

GET HIS ASS OUTTA HERE

When do you call it quits on a player? I really don't know, my rule of thumb is if they get hurt in three consecutive seasons get his ass out of there. But teams all over are constantly relying on guys who are clearly year after year injury problems. The Indians just got word that Grady Sizemore most likely won't return until September, if he returns at all. He has been out since July 18th and this marks the third straight year that Grady has missed significant time. He hasn't played in 100 games since 2009 and even then it was only 106 games. The A's hung on to Eric Chavez for four years when it was clear he was just too hurt to play. The Yanks signed him this year and what do you know...he got hurt again. He's only played in 27 games. The Rockets with Yao was fucking ridiculous, people 7'6'' tall are meant to be sideshow freaks not NBA centers. And the Trailblazers are doing it with Greg Oden. So the rule of thumb has to be three years and you're out. So if I'm Cleveland I'm looking to get Grady healthy in the off-season show him off in spring training and try to get atleast 60 cents on the dollar for him.