JESUS CHRISTO!!!!!!

Oh snap, Jesus Montero is ganna be called up when rosters expand Septemeber 1st. All we have heard is how this kid is the second coming of Manny Ramirez, although he has been pretty human in the minors up until recently this year. They also have another catching prospect who may have passed Montero behind the plate in Gary Sanchez. Time will tell but I think this kid is ganna be lame.

- I'm actually talkin out of my ass. I'm pumped as hell to see this guy play finally.

PLANETEERS ASSEMBLE!

There was talks of making a Captain Planet live action movie a few weeks back. How you can turn a propaganda film into a movie is beyond me but I think we just got a look at how this shit might turn out. I'm totally in.

JUST FOUND THE PATRIOTS NEXT COACH

Throughout my time playing or watching sports I have heard one truly great speech. I'm talking get you so pumped out to get out there and kick some ass, run through a brick wall type of speech. Well today Coach Tony D'Amato and his inches by inches speech can take a hike, I have found the second coming of Bill Belichick. His name is divalover159 or atleast that's his youtube account. Honestly the most pumped I have ever gotten listening to someone speak. The Knox city Greyhounds have just found themselves a new super fan in Relampago Blanco. I will follow this man though the gates of hell, doesn't matter if he is this pumped up about six man football and one score last season was 102-59. Who cares if the Greyhounds are a joke to some, to many they are the most dominate and physical force in their district, their state, or even in all high school football.
Which one is better? Never mind don't even need to ask, I know.
VS.


- ALSO COACH STEELE IS GANNA GET HIS ASS BEAT ON OCT.15TH

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?

I DON'T GET IT. WHAT THE FUCK DO ANY OF THESE HAVE TO DO WITH JEANS? SHIT IS JUST CREEPY.

BEER ONCE AGAIN SAVES LIVES

It pays to be around brew dogs. Yesterday at Nationals park in Washington D.C. no one was watching the game, mainly because they suck right now but also because a young boy was choking on his chicken. Step in Emmanuel Marlow, a beer vendor at the park and over all good guy. When big man over here came upon the scene everyone that was associated with this little guy was crying and jumping around, basically not doing anything to actually help this kid out. Well Marlow is a man of action and jumped right in while this kids actually family was crying and waiting for this kid to die like dicks, giving the heimlich like a motherfucker."I guess they never had experienced a first-aid situation," said Marlow, who had once worked a game at FedEx Field when a patron had a mild stroke. "[The boy] was actually going to a new color. I knew I needed to jump in and do it. There was no time for hesi�ta�tion. It had to be done right then and there."

After it was all said and done the end of the article said this kids mom spent 10 minutes hugging him and crying. Pretty sure as a beer vendor this guy really just wanted a tip.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, JAVARIS CRITTENTON KILLED SOMEONE

UPDATE - CRITTENTON TURNED HIMSELF IN. NOTHING BAD IS GANNA COME OF THIS, HE SAYS HE DIDN'T DO IT.
"Police say Crittenton reported being robbed of jewelry April 21 and may have thought a person on the sidewalk was responsible.It appears Mr. Crittenton observed who he thought was the perpetrator walking down the street," Major Keith Meadows told the AJC Friday. "It so happens Miss Jones was walking down the street at the same time.
But Jones was outside talking to neighbors and had just put the kids to bed, Harel Butler, Jones' boyfriend, told the AJC. Butler said he had dropped Jones off about 30 minutes earlier, and the two planned to go out later that evening on a date. Butler said he and Jones had been together nearly 10 years, and he had bought an engagement ring he planned to give her.I never got a chance to do that," Butler said.Several witnesses told police the shots were fired from a black Chevrolet Tahoe. Jones and Butler's children heard the shots from their bedroom, Butler said.
Jones was struck in the leg and later died during surgery. Two men with Jones fled and were not injured, and investigators now believe one of those men was the intended target."

Not sure why this isn't getting more pub but former NBA player who was never that good to begin with, Javaris Critteton, is wanted for murder. Read that again, MURDER. The FBI and Atlanta and Los Angeles police are searching for Critteton on allegations that he shot and killed Atlanta woman, Jullian Jones on August 19th. I don't think he did it though, this is the same guy who got into a small, non-deadly gun fight in the Wizards locker room with Gilbert Arenas. Mr. Arenas had the guns, there were words said and fingers pointed and they both agreed that a duel was the best way to settle thing. BUT the thing to take away from this is, it was never ungentlemanly. They BOTH agreed upon it together and went from there. So that type of rational thinking doesn't lead to murdering someone.

CANNONS WIN! CANNONS WIN!

Holy Shit the Boston Cannons won the championship. Up there with 2004 and 3 superbowls. But this is personal really, I have been telling people for years I was on the Cannons because it was the most believable pro sport to fake. Got me free shots and nothing else really just free shots and I got to be the center of attention for a little while at parties. Couldn't name a single player on the roster but I feel like today or yesterday apparently, we all won it all. Go CANNONS!!!!

GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!!!!!

BAD IRENE, SHITS NEVER GANNA BE THE SAME!!!! HIT ME UP IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!

KID FUCKED THIS GUY UP

Never been so under underwhelmed by somebody....but this time it's by the BLACK GUY. Poppin and lockin is suppose to be one of their things, just really disappointed. Hot damn, the white guy fucked him up. Bro, we're in the middle of fuckin bad Irene, need to step your game up.

BRO, DO SOMETHING FIRST AND THEN YOU CAN ACT LIKE AN ASS

The great Crash Davis once said " Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob." I don't think Brewers centerfield Nyjer Morgan gets the point of that quote. I just started reading an article in the new Sports Illustrated about the Milwaukee Brewers, it started off listing teams with colorful personalities that have won it all. For example Boston had Damon, San Francisco has Brian Wilson and then Brewers GM, Doug Melvin, points out that Milwaukee has Nyjer. I got like four paragraphs in and I couldn't take it anymore. Why the fuck do people like this guy. You can put him in the list with those other players BUT the only difference between those two and Morgan are that they are actually good players. You can act like an ass if you play well. Saying you are 6'6'' and 240 pounds and as fast as Usain Bolt would be somewhat funny if you didn't have only eight stolen bases this year. In fact your are someone who is suppose to be a stolen base threat but they mean nothing if you only have a 68% career success rate. Hitting .313 is nice but you don't score runs, you're career high is 74 granted you have been on shitty teams. The whole point is win something and then act like an ass, until then shut the fuck up.

- Here is Nyjer Morgan being not funny.

POOR BASTARD IS TAKIN DOWN BY WOMEN WRESTLERS, WHAT THE FUCK?

There comes a time in a lot of peoples life when they realize they are not one of the lucky ones. They won't be throwin it down in the NBA, they won't be catching touchdowns in the superbowl, or throwing 90 mph heat in the big leagues. Sometimes you just can't catch a break and shit just won't go your way. Well folks, I believe I have found the most unlucky man in the world. His name wasn't released but this guys story is incredible. Apparently my man here was involved in a hit and run ( he would be the runner). He slamed into the back of the car infront of him and he probably just got fired from Mickey D's or something and just wanted to get home so he chose to flee. Well to bad for him the dikes in the car he hit happened to be sisters and teammates on some fucking college wrestling team in Oklahoma, christ one of them was an offensive lineman in high school. They tackled my man before he even knew what him and put a tag team scissor move and held him until police came. I feel for you buddy, who fuckin knew they had woman's wrestling in college or in general. Poor Bastard

- That is Brittany Delgado, one of the she-beasts that took this guy down. Chick looks like an animal. Just more proof that this guy is the unluckiest man in the world.

MLS STILL EXISTS?

Holy the shit the MLS season is still going on? Apparently they got games going till November. I haven't seen a single highlight or heard anything about anything. Are the Revs good? Are the Houston Dynamo still our most heated rivals? What's going on, the world wants to know.

What is the worst league? The MLS or the WNBA? I mean at least the MLS has David Beckham coming over soon, so I'll go with the WNBA. He is suppose to make this league huge, so I'm pumped for that. Uh...I was just told Beckham came over like five years ago and shit hasn't changed. I guess the MLS still sucks, so now I really don't know.

LENNY DYKSTRA CAN DO NO WRONG IN MY EYES

Lenny Dykstra is the gift that keeps on giving. He was a solid player during his playing days, he hustled his way onto a few All-Star teams and was pretty much beloved by everyone. But after the glory shit has seemed to hit the fan for Mr. Dykstra, he pretty much fucked everyone over during real estate investments, has no money facing bankruptcy. Guy has pretty much lost it BUT NOT WITH THE LADIES. Today Mr. Dykstra has been arrested of charges of indecent exposure, exposing himself to a nice young woman on Craigslist. He could face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of $1,000 bucks for each time he exposed himself. Here's hoping it was more than once, not ganna get a lady with only one look, gotta tease em a while.

HOW LONG CAN YOU LAST?

Another Jersey Shore post but this one is ganna be short and to the point. You got a video with 21 questions with Sammi Sweetheart, it's 3:30 minutes of her answers. She's a B team version of Carrie from King of Queens. How long you ganna last, can you watch the whole video with this whiny, nasally bitch? Didn't even try, just wanna give others the chance.

SHE NEEDS TO DIE

Sometimes you just hate a person with all your being. Most of the time they really haven't done anything to you. Hell, you don't even have to know that person. But every time you see them your blood boils, your muscles clench, and your mind goes blank, just straight seeing red, turning into the Hulk. Number one of my list for a while has been Snooki from the Jersey Shore. She short, fat, and hideous but goes around thinking and acting like she's a 10. She's a solid 4 on a good day, honestly wouldn't even look back to check out her ass if she walked by me. Plus she gives off the impression that she smells like shit. Now there is a new number 1 on Relampago Blanco's list, this person also gives off the vibe of smelling like shit but they are 6'3'', with fake tits and a jacked up face. It is non other than Snooki's partner in crime, JWOWW. Can't even explain how much I hate this bitch and I'm not going to because there is a strong chance she could kick my ass. Just watch the video below and you'll see. She even dances like a cunt.

KID GOT HAMMERED

The kid is gettin hammered tonite. The name is moves and the kid is taking over the dance floor....

DAMN THESE PEOPLE, DAMN THEM STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Apparently this is a trailer for a movie titled " The Worst Movie Ever". It opened this past weekend in LA and made only $11 dollars, meaning only one person actually paid to see it.

I hate that I'm writing anything about this piece of shit because I am now playing right into these guys hand. They wanted this to happen. They probably told all their friends to stay away, get one person to go pay to see it and now they mathematically have the worst movie ever. Now sites like Slash Film are talking about it. These guys tried to make the next Troll 2 and it is probably going to work. Now people are ganna go out to see this piece of shit and make these guys successful. They knew what they were doing,fucking assholes.

PANTHERS OWNER TO CAM NEWTON: DON'T ACT BLACK

Cam Newton came into the league with plenty of baggage. He clearly took some dolla bills to go to Auburn but honestly what big time college athlete hasn't. I have no problem with it, these guys are the only reason schools stay afloat. But to people who think they are above it all, it was a huge problem and along with some of his mechanical issues there was some concern surrounding him when the Carolina Panthers took him number one overall. But now that he has played mediocre enough in the preseason to lead a shitty Panthers team into the regular season the owner has another message for his new star, don't act black. Panthers owner, Jerry Richardson suggested to big Cam that he not get any tattoos or piercing during his stay in the Carolina's so they can appeal to a broader audience. This is an actual convo that Richardson recalls having with Newton

“Do you have any tattoos?” he asked.

“No, sir,” Newton said. “I don’t have any.”

“We want to keep it that way,” Richardson said. “We want to keep no tattoos, no piercings, and I think you’ve got a very nice haircut.”


I see good things in the Panthers future as long as they keep those nice haircuts.

MITCH WILLIAMS CONTINUES TO BE THE DUMBEST MAN ON EARTH

Mitch Williams was a shitty relief pitcher when he played in the Major Leagues. You may remember him from such things as giving up the World Series clinching homer to Joe Carter in 1993. Hell, his teammates would put towels over their faces when he came in, he was that bad. Well he is actually even worse at his current job as a talking head on MLB network. Last year he went on to say Carlos Gonzalez is the best player in the game hands down, anyone who argued was a moron according to him. But today he has gone on to say one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Mr. Williams claims, Bryce Haper, as in number one prospect in baseball, as in every expert in the game believes he will be an MVP winner, homerun champ etc. etc., will never hit 30 homeruns in the big league. I'm starting to think Williams does this shit on purpose. I got nothing to back up my point that Williams is dumb except the above two statements. He just pisses me off because he talks with a slight stutter and he sucked at pitching. Even if Harper doesn't pan out the way everyone assumes, even if he doesn't hit 300, and never wins an MVP, he has the power to mash 30 bombs at least once in his career. Dude, Jack Cust hit 30 homers once. Carlos Gonzalez best player in the game...how's that shit working out for ya Williams.

YANKS GRAB ANOTHER BAT, DARSH

UPDATE - PENA STAYING WITH THE CUBS. CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

The New York Yankees claimed Cubs first basemen, Carlos Pena off waivers. The teams have 48 hours to work out a trade. This is actually a very sneaky sneaks move by the Yanks. Though Pena is a strikeout machine and can't hit for average, he gives New York another power bat. Most likely he pushes the living corpse Jorge Posada out of the DH role. Very troubling this move. New Yorks lineup is insane.

BENGALS CONTINUE TO BE SHITTY

" PROFOOTBALLTALK- With the start of the regular season less than three weeks away, Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer still hasn’t officially retired.

When he didn’t show up for the start of training camp, the Bengals placed Palmer on the reserve/did not report list, a move that potentially exposes Palmer to $30,000 per day in fines.

As a result, Palmer’s $11.5 million salary currently doesn’t count toward the cap, which is irrelevant since the Bengals remain many millions under the spending limit.

The end game for both sides remains unclear. Palmer possibly hasn’t officially retired in order to preserve his ability to show up on a moment’s notice, if he decides to do so. By reporting, for example, in the days before the first game of the season, the Bengals would have to decide quickly whether to cut him or to keep him, given that his base salary becomes fully guaranteed as of Week One.

Either way, this thing isn’t over yet. Otherwise, Palmer would simply file his retirement papers, and move on."

Palmer hasn't really been the same since he took a person to the knee in 2006 or 2007 don't really care to look it up but he is no doubt still a top 10-12 quarterback in a league with a lot of weak qb play. But the real story here has to be how awful the Bengals organization is. Is there any doubt Mike Brown is right on Al Davis' heels as the worst owner in football. When a guy making $11.5 million isn't going to show up because you are such a piece of shit, that has to seal the deal for you. Predicting a solid 1-15 season from the Bungels. Andy Dalton has looked good though in the preseason ( 55% completion, 155 yards, with a 35.5 rating and 3 int's), so shouldn't be any rush to get Carson back.

Also there is no question Mike Brown, one of the cheapest owners in the game, is going to charge that $30,000 real soon.

HOW IS SHE NOT MORE FAMOUS???

Just found the hottest girl in the world. No questions asked. You will not be able to convince me otherwise. Why are overrated sluts like Haley Berry famous and getting the love when Ms. Elaine Alden here get nothing. Elaine Alden....

BEST.GAME.EVER

No fucking way this is actually a real game. This is... genius. What better way to get kids to wanna pick up their dogs shit than to actually make it worth points. There is ganna be so many shitty hands across America real soon. You win Doggie Doo.

Hey NESN, the Baby Fucking Sucks

It's been bad enough watching the Sox waddle through what can only be termed a middling August as they've been hit with injuries to big guns like Jacoby Ellsbury, Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz but NESN feels the need to compund everyone's misery with these awful rip-offs of the already infuriating e-trade baby. I understand NESN has the production budget of a Saturday afternoon SyFy movie and thus we have been subjected to such gems as Sox Appeal, NESN Sports Daily, DirtyWater "News", Charlie Moore and staring at Dennis & Callahan in the morning but this is too far. Cut the shit, and pull this crap before you drive millions of people throughout New England insane.

WHATEVER THIS THING IS, IT'S PISSED.

So I guess all the stereotypes about World of Warcraft players were wrong. They are actually swift of foot, with ninjutsu moves coming out their ass. They are not disgusting, fat pieces of shit, who seem to only be able to relate to people through the internet or in this creatures case not able to relate to people in general. Also who knew gansta's played the game, shit just got serious. But I do like how this one doesn't take itself too serious, just in it for the love of the game and seems to be able to handle a good ole' fashion ribbing from her WOW buds online.

But on the realz, did you see how fast those moves were? If this thing was coming at me no way I'm ganna be able to deal with that five second reaction time between punches and blocks. Just no way I'd be able to land anything. Plus she's takin down street lamp posts with a pipe, that must have been some serious internet bullying.

- On a side note was she making fun of someone for being 500,600 pounds or just repeating the "bullies"? Is she a lawyer or again twus it one of the bullies? Something to look in to.