Greg Oden Is 73 Years Old

Todays the day to get your offers in before that smug little jew, David Stern takes everything away. The Blazers offered Greg Oden $8.8 million, most likely so he can get hurt and stay on the bench. This is Yao Ming all over again. Look, I understand height is important in roundball but if a guy can't stay healthy, I wouldn't waste my time. I give a player three years, If he has gotten hurt in all three and missed significant time its time to kick his ass to the curb. In Oden's case he has missed his entire rookie season, 21 games in season two, and 61 games in season three. The guy is toast. Oden has always been an overrated prospect because of his size. Offensively he was light years behind his defense and even his D was just alright. The only bases for the David Robinson comparisons were that he was black and 7 feet tall. The guy can't stay healthy and the blazers should just move on. Good luck counting on his ass again while he's shattered to glass taking a charge from Earl Boykins.

- Doubt they regret draft night 2007.

Jeff Green - YAY OR NAY?

The Celtics just extended a qualifying offer to restricted free agent Jeff Green. But I have to ask, does anyone else think he isn't right for beantown? I mean when he was on OKC and I never got to see him play his numbers were somewhat impressive, 15 points a game nothing to poo poo. But watching him with the Celts he just seemed like someone who would disappear for long stretches of games, content to settle for the 12-15 foot J instead of taking it to the hoop hard. I know playing with the group the C's have can be kind of daunting and touches were limited but this guy is supposedly a building block for the future. That future is coming up pretty fast bro. Maybe he can handle playing in a place that people only care about college teams but the spotlight is going to be on him constantly. I mean that is if there is even a season, which most likely there will only be a 45-50 game one at best. Don't get me wrong, I think he is a talented player, he just needs to become a lot more aggresive.

So Long Mike, You Sucked!! - Mike Cameron Designated for Assignment

Terry Francona and Theo Epstein have been acting like Interleague is brand new this year. With all the bitching about how they can't get Ortiz' bat in the lineup, it is hard to believe the concept is almost 15 years old. What is also hard to believe is how Mike Cameron has found his way into 33 games this year. Who knew at almost 40 years old, no matter how good a shape you are in, you decline drastically. Especially if you were nothing special before. It was probably better to give him 105 at bats to produce only 14 hits for staggering .149/.212/.266 clip. Guy was hot like fire, so it's completely understandable. No kid half his age producing twice as much like Josh Reddick, whose collected just as many hits in only 38 plate appearances for a .438/.474/.688 clip, is ganna get in the way of that kind of production. Cameron is a vet no matter how much he has forgotten to play the game, we need him out there.

I love me some tito. Think he is a top five, maybe even top three manager but some of his lineup moves this year have been horrible. Reddick may not be the rightfielder of the future (I think that goes to Ryan Kalish) but he is more than capable of being a top level fourth outfielder. Why keep throwing up lineups with players who already stopped caring like JD Drew, a fifth outfielder in Darnell McDonald, an over the hill catcher in Varitek, and a guy who shouldn't have even been on a Major League roster in Cameron. It's idiotic. It's not the cure all for why the Sox suck in Interleague but give the kid a shot. He's producing and usually that's what helps teams win, not sticking by aging Vets because you like them.

- Also paying a 37 year old Cam Cam $15.5 million over two years has to be just below Theo's boner for Julio Lugo. Some people man.

Cobra Kai Never Die!

This is 2011, right? We are into the second decade of the 2000's? Well tonight during a heated Men's Summer Hoops C division battle I swear I almost got into to it with a mini Billy Zabka. Competition was fierce and Relampago Blanco is not against throwing around the body. And at 6 feet and 210 pounds that is a lot of body to throw around. Just a real Olympic level athlete. Naturally it gets heated underneath the boards and after a particularly physical trip, a barely 5 foot, 120 pound blonde haired kid got in my face and asked me to meet him in the parking lot. I thought to myself, this actually still happens? Did this kid take karate with the cobra kai? Did his dad own some sort of country club? Was he ganna sweep the leg? All I could do was laugh him off while he kept yappin away. How could he think he actually stood a chance? No worries,he wasn't ganna get in Relampago Blanco's head but I have to ask, do 80's bullies still exist?

- Oh ya, they kicked the shit out us tonight by like 20. But the lesson is to always stand your ground. Goonies never say die!!

Ray Lewis Was Right, I Would Absolutely Turn Violent If Watching Hockey Was My Only Option

Everyone watches SportsCenter at least three times a day. It's a fact. And today with the constant talk of the NFL and NBA CBA negotiations and looming lockouts I asked myself, is this going to be the most depressing winter of all time? Like this could be the winter where everyone packs on 20-30 pounds and everything turns into a post apocalyptic world ALA Mad Max(according to Ray Lewis). Hockey could be the only thing on. I know everyone is going to pretend they are Bruins fans now and say that would be awesome but be serious you didn't give a shit about them during the regular season, the season before, and the season before that. The NBA and NFL is what gets people through. I'm already having enough trouble just maintaining my weight with all the chicken tenders I eat. With no pigskin or roundball it's ganna be a food coma 24/7. Get the deals done fellas.

Oh ya and FUCK HOCKEY AND ALL THE FAKE BRUINS FANS. GO REVS!!!!!

Scalabrine Strikes!

As the Red Sox decide they just don't want the division that bad and the NFL decides it's just going to take its ball and go home, there is some good news for Boston Sports Fans, Brian Scalabrine has returned to the airwaves. Yes, that's right, the Celtics former favorite cheerleader has signed on with Comcast Sportsnet and made an appearance on the Toucher and Rich show this morning. Relax fellas, Scal's here, it's morning in Boston again.

TITO MAKE THE MOVE!!!!!

Well that game went really well. Look, it sucks that Boston has 15 games in a row in National League Parks and Ortiz is going to get limited at bats. However, this isn't some new fucking problem that they just found out about. They aren't playing in some shit men's softball league where they update the schedule the week before. They knew this was ganna be the absolute shits months in advance. Beckett was mediocre tonight and any team would have had problems the way Lee was going but throwing out a lineup with Darnell McDonald, Mike Cameron, Jason Varitek, and the pitcher in the nine hole isn't even going to give you a chance to win. I understand that tito didn't want to put Gonzalez in the outfield tonight because Beckett is a fly ball pitcher but he isn't some fucking invalid. He's played the position before, he should have been taking fly balls in spring training. Gonzo is 6'2'', 225, he's an athlete, he's in shape. This isn't Prince Fielder.

Reports have Gonzalez playing in RF tomorrow, thank you god. Big Papi we missed you.

-Also this is kind of a radical idea but why not try Adrian out at third in the offseason, he can handle bunts, he moves well around the bag. Youkilis would probably be more comfortable heading to the outfield. Just a thought, either way get his and Ortiz bat in the fucking lineup together. Christ on the cross. Relampago Blanco OUT

Is This The Biggest Matchup Inter-league Has Ever Seen?

Everybody hates inter-league play. Usually there is nothing to look forward to in these shit matchup's that ESPN tries to hype up. Red Sox V. Cubs, remember when they both sucked? The Cubs still do but if you guys pretend this is 2002 and earlier this is ganna kick ass. The subway series - once again a good team versus a team that can barely afford to turn the lights on in the stadium anymore. But tonight is an actual legit battle, two teams with real 2011 World Series aspirations. These are the teams everyone picked at the beginning of the year. Boston has been scuffling some as of late but if there was anyone you wanted on the mound for this game it would be Beckett. The guy is such a prick and doesn't care. In all honesty those are the guys you want to pitch in the big games.

josh Beckett V. Cliff Lee 7:05

Does This Guy Actually Do Any Work?

Usually I am down to write just about sports because that is the only thing I want to write about. However, after doing a round through my favorite sites this afternoon I came across a story on Slashfilm.com with yet another press release from Guillermo del Toro claiming he is making another movie. The guy hasn't made anything since the insanely overrated shit-fest that was Hell Boy 2: The Golden Army in 2008. But don't worry fans the fat man has about forty other movies coming out between 2013 - never. This guy just likes to say shit. Make a fucking movie already.

- This is his list of films surely to never hit a screen near you.
- Pacific Rim 2013 - del Toro claims its ganna be the biggest monster movie ever. Doubt it.
- Frankenstein 2012 - Can't wait for it to star Ron Pearlman. The man has never turned down a paycheck.
- At the Mountain of Madness - Never happening
- Pinocchio 2014 - Christ on the cross. Didn't Jonathon Taylor Thomas make a perfectly fine version like 15 years ago?
- Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 2012 - Not ganna happen brah.

What the Fuck America?

Universal Studios announced today that it will produce "Fast and Furious 6" and intends for the film to be released around Memorial Day May 24, 2013. That's five Goddamn sequels for the piece of shit original and it's keeping Vin Diesel and Paul Walker employed. Worse yet, Fast and Furious 5 had the largest opening day for a Universal Picture EVER and this is the Studio that has released some of the biggest blockbusters of all time like Jaws, E.T., and Jurassic Park, hell anything by Stephen fucking Spielberg. For Christ's sake who's seeing these things? Just stop already, this is getting as painful as those Scary Movie spin-offs.

Not Cute

- Not much to say. Just want to know if this is the ugliest crowd to ever see a fight?

I HATE YOU!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! The biggest fakes in the tennis world have been knocked out of another meaningless tournament that they don't give a shit about because they care more about looking good than winning. Serena is awful, Venus is just - who gives a shit about Venus. God I hate this family. Also everything they wear just accentuates how hideous they really are. PS rumor is Serena smells, just the gift that keeps on giving.

- I wonder if Serena has ever talked about the struggles she has gone through as a strong willed black woman.

Just As Good Damn It!!!!

Congratulations to UCONN's Maya Moore for winning the Honda-Broderick Cup award as the nations top female athlete. What that basically means is she is about on par with the 10th man on a sub-par D2 men's hoop squad. Her dad has to be so pissed she wasn't a boy. But anyways GO...wait, who did she get drafted by? Who cares womens hoops suck.

- Remember when people were saying Lisa Leslie was a model. Thats a dude in that picture, right? Has to be.

Menino Gets Served

For those of you who didn't pick up the Boston Herald this morning just a little diddy of awesomeness written by yours truly can be read here.

What doth Wrong with the BoSox?

Suddenly a team which was running up the score at a record rate and tearing through the American League like a finger through wet toilet paper can't score against some of the most anemic offenses and defenses in the incredibly weak National League. Thus far this season, the Red Sox are an unimpressive 5-5 in interleague play. This team should be obliterating the weaker teams fielded by their older counterparts, yet just when it seems they should be running away with the division they've allowed the New York Yankees to creep within a 1/2 game of their position and have only posted a .500 record in their last ten games. While there's clearly no reason to sound the alarm on this team just yet it is worth noting that the Red Sox appear to be losing steam as injuries take their toll on the starting rotation and the outfield and their inability to capitalize on scoring oppurtunities isn't a good sign.

Beckett pushed back to Tuesday

Sox skipper Terry Francona announced today that Sox ace Josh Beckett, said to be suffering from intestinal problems, has had his start pushed back to Tuesday in Philadelphia. While the fact that Beckett can't shake this problem is worrisome it will be cool to see Beckett, who's hot as ever, start in Philly in what could be a World Series preview.

Danny Ainge Can't Be That Dumb, Right?

The 2011 NBA draft is tonight and by all accounts it is one of the shittiest in years. Right on par with the 2000 draft. The C's hold the 25th pick tonight and there are rumors out there that Rondo could be had for the right price. That right price better be Kobe in his prime because as of right now Rondo is the only building block this team has for the future. Pierce, Allen, and Garnett will be gone in about three years, Jeff Green plays like he is a scared child in a rec game and Baby played like his moniker in the playoffs.

This is a shit draft, just trade the pick get some bench help and let that be that. Ainge has made some solid moves as Boston's GM but if trading Rajon is ganna be the next get his ass out of here.

THE USA PLAYS SOCCER?

After watching SportCenter for about the ninth time in a row it finally dawned on me. Apparently the United States has a soccer team and they're in something called the Gold Cup. They won by the way and the six people that were watching must have been pumped. Look, Relampago Blanco is no futbol fan but once David Beckham gets here from Man U. this shit is ganna take over America.

GO GALAXY!!

- Apparently Beckham got here about five years ago and shit hasn't changed. Soccer sucks and this will be my first and last post on the subject.

Lack-Diesel Takes Mound, Sucks

As God pissed on the Fenway Faithful, Sox pitcher John Lackey took the mound raring to go and promptly served up a long ball to give the Padres an early 1-0 lead. A few rain delays later and Lackey would hand the Padres four more runs and the win. As usual Lackey was quick to take responsibility, oh wait no he didn't. In what has become a constant refrain Lackey took none of the blame, explaining in a postgame presser that he thought he pitched well, just a couple of lucky hits that dropped. Lackey has become the new Dice-K, sparkling in one outing and terrible in another. Also like Dice-K he is stubborn and refuses to acknowledge when he's awful, the closest Lackey has come was in an unusual outburst in the Sox lockerroom where the hurler whined "Everything in my life sucks right now" and promptly stormed off. Yeah, Lackey's not great, but it's not his fault some dick saw this turd and offered it $82.5 million guaranteed.

Bud Selig actually does something Right

News broke this week that MLB Commissioner Bud Selig put the kibosh on Dodgers owner Frank McCourt's multibillion dollar deal with FOX, saying that the deal would effectively "mortgage the future of the Dodgers to the longterm detriment of the club and it's fans" and that such a deal would be structured to "facilitate the further diversion of Dodgers assets to meet the personal needs of Mr. McCourt." Selig has taken alot of heat during his tenure as MLB commish, but he hit a homerun by bitchslapping Frank McCourt, nixing the McCourt's divorce settlement and pushing Frank and ex-wife Jamie towards selling the storied franchise and being run out of baseball altogether. Fuck Frank McCourt, he's the Bernie Madoff of professional sports.

The Manning Bros. - The Anti Williams Sistsers

Eli Manning is never this accurate.

Come On Keith

Keith Law is the go to man for baseball knowledge. Love him, get most of mine from him. Jayson Stark sucks, Tim Kurkjian is harmless but says his name too weird on air for my liking and the MLB Network employs Mitch Williams so not watching that. But is anyone else following this guy on Twitter? His profile reads "Baseball writer, blogger, food lover, heavy reader, boardgamer, dilettante", his personal blog URL is the fucking meadowparty.com

You're better than that Keith.

PS - Love your draft coverage Mr. Law keep up the good work - Relampago Blanco

The Williams Sisters Suck

Is there anything worst than playing sports with girls? How about playing with the Williams sisters? Honestly I sat quietly when everyone said they were beautiful, they're not. Serena could be a power forward and venus looks like Joe Camel. I didn't say anything when ESPN tried to ram them down our throats for about 4 years straight. But yesterday was the final straw, Serena fucking crying because she wants to pretend she still loves tennis so much. This whole family sucks. Can't wait for them to go give the fashion world another shot and fail miserably.

- Both are such majestic regal creatures out there on the court

Larry the Cable Guy: Caucasian answer to Tyler Perry

A few weeks back South Park took a shot at oft maligned "comedian" Tyler Perry, attributing his success to black people being forced to laugh at his unfuny antics. Well, Conan O' Brien had Larry the Cable Guy as his featured guest and I caught Conan laughing uncontrollably at some of the Cable man's unfunny antics and wisecracks. Tyler Perry's painful, but it's time for white America to admit it has a problem too and that problem is, you guessed it, Larry the Cable Guy. His stand-ups awful, his movies are abyssmal yet somehow this guy who has a friggin' trademarked catchphrase like some terrible 70's sitcom star and who's jokes revolve around a morbidly obese sister has raked in the dough, has his own cable show on the History Channel and is set to make a killing this weekend with Cars 2. WTF? This guy has to know he's terrible, I picture his private life being like Jack Black's character in Tropic Thunder, what the hell is wrong with people how is this guy so famous?

Wily Mo Goes Deep for the first time in over a 1,000 days

Wily Mo Pena, one of Sox Gm theo Epstein's biggest whiffs, went deep for the first time in over three years today. It's worth noting that when Epstein traded away Bronson Arroyo to acquire Pena in '06 he envisioned the man dropping bombs all over the major leagues.